tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55664318236462542162024-03-05T06:12:07.435-06:00Abiding in Steadfast LoveDStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.comBlogger227125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-69364950157808268572016-11-16T13:32:00.000-06:002016-11-16T13:32:00.916-06:00#Justice4PhilandoI don't have much to say about this right now, but it is encouraging, especially in light of the current climate of the U.S. It is a step in the right direction. And, for all those who say that protests and marches and rallies and whatnot are ineffective, I think this possibly offers evidence to the contrary. There is little chance this would have happened if not for loud voices from masses of people exposing past and present systemic injustices, not just in the U.S. as a whole, but specifically in the Twin Cities, too. Thankful for progress today.<br />
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<a href="http://www.citypages.com/news/jeronimo-yanez-charged-with-second-degree-manslaughter-for-philando-castiles-death/401510866" target="_blank">Officer charged with second degree manslaughter for Philando Castile's death</a>DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-65792828642291587502016-05-12T16:09:00.000-05:002016-05-12T16:09:22.405-05:00through the nightThe following numbers are estimates based on research and information gathered by reputable organizations all over the world. Most experts would agree that these numbers are low. Due to widespread stigma and taboo about mental illness and suicide, many people have not and do not disclose their own experiences of mental illness and/or attribute deaths of loved ones to suicide. With that said, we've got to start somewhere, and this data is tough enough to stomach as is.<br />
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Below the video is the "script" I wrote to accompany videos and photos from last year's Out of the Darkness Overnight walk in Dallas, TX. The quality of the footage is not awesome, but I wanted to offer a glimpse into what the walk is like.<br />
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EVERY YEAR more than 800,000- some data estimates more than 1,000,000- people take their own life.<br />
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EVERY DAY approximately 3,000 people die from suicide.<br />
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EVERY 40 SECONDS... EVERY 40 seconds.... suicide steals another person from our world.<br />
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For every life lost to suicide, there are at least 20 more who attempt suicide. And a prior suicide attempt is the single greatest indicator for future suicides.<br />
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Every 40 seconds a life is lost and 20 more try to end it all, and because of this countless others' lives are changed forever. Every suicide is a tragic loss of a human being-- a friend, a brother, a sister, a son, a daughter, a child, a teammate, a classmate, a cousin, an aunt/uncle, a coworker, a boss, a neighbor, a student, a coach, a mentor, a babysitter... a person who is a significant part of other people's lives, and a person that impacts communities and a country and even the world. Every 40 seconds countless people lose a person in their life and that tragedy will effect them massively.<br />
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So every year, a whole lot of us come together and do this thing that we call "<a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.event&eventID=516" target="_blank">the Overnight</a>." We are people who have survived suicide, people who have endured suicide loss, people who fight suicidal ideation and the whole spectrum of mental illnesses, people who have walked through mental illness with those they love... we are people who know the demon of suicide and we need each other- to remember, to grieve, to tell stories, to laugh, to sing, to celebrate, to learn, to educate, to hope... and to walk straight into dusk and through the night into the dawn of a new day.<br />
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According to the <a href="http://www.who.int/mental_health/suicide-prevention/en/" target="_blank">World Health Organization</a>, of all leading causes of death, suicide has the least money dedicated to it. Despite the fact that across the world more people die from suicide than from wars, genocide and all other homicides- combined. Part of why we walk is to raise money to fund desperately needed research, education, advocacy, resources, etc. Please consider <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/participant/dstolee" target="_blank">donating</a> to the fight against suicide, and helping make it possible for me to participate in the Overnight- part of my personal fight against suicide.<br />
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Further resources:<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://afsp.org/" target="_blank">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention</a></li>
<li>Center for Disease Control and Prevention- <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/suicide_factsheet-a.pdf" target="_blank">Understanding Suicide</a></li>
<li>World Health Organization- <a href="http://www.who.int/mental_health/suicide-prevention/world_report_2014/en/" target="_blank">Preventing Suicide: A Global Imperative</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml" target="_blank">National Institute of Mental Health</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.nami.org/" target="_blank">National Alliance on Mental Illness</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.save.org/" target="_blank">Suicide Awareness Voices of Education</a></li>
</ul>
DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-37439275287388821202016-04-02T14:22:00.000-05:002016-05-10T18:21:34.294-05:00The importance of suicide prevention.I have been reminded by a few people lately that there hasn't been any activity on my blog for quite some time, and that I haven't posted much in relation to this year's <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.page&id=1022" target="_blank">Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk</a>. Last night I had thought about the value of suicide prevention in a different way than I have in the past, so I want to share it here. I wrote this in the middle of the night with pretty raw emotions going, so it reads like that... whatever that means...?<br />
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<a name='more'></a>There's so much shit going on in the world, so many things worthy of our time, attention, money, learning, action... I don't know how to try to justify one “issue” over another- they are all so damn important. Even vital.<br />
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Here in Minneapolis, we have been grappling with, grieving, lamenting, fighting against ignorance, educating... responding in so many ways to a recent incident (not the first and not the last) of a young black man losing his life due to systemic racial disparities and the grave consequences that follow them. Last November and December I was part of an 18 day occupation of the precinct that housed the police officers who killed this young man. And over the past 3.5 months I have joined in the protests, rallies, marches, etc. demanding that there be justice served. And so far, there hasn't been any justice for Jamar, the young man who was murdered, at all. There have been victories, our efforts have not totally been for nought. But we have mostly been hushed, attacked, and disregarded.<br />
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And tonight, the tears just began to fall in a steady stream. It is so fucked up. Our city, our state, our nation, our world is SO fucked up. To allow myself to just sit with that for a few seconds broke me. I cannot comprehend how any significant change can happen. I know it can, somehow, but I can't imagine it. And right now, all this fuckery has a whole world of people in pain and brokenness and need and longing. It sucks, a lot.<br />
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I turned to my dog, soundly asleep beside me, and I thanked her once again for being here because nights like tonight often hold the capacity to come damn close to landing a catastrophic blow of despair for me.<br />
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And then I thought about the <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.page&id=1022" target="_blank">Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk</a>. But I was wrestling with how to justify asking people to focus on and invest in this walk and suicide prevention, when there are countless other “issues” just as worthy. And here's my thinking tonight...<br />
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The reason I mention my involved in what has been going on in Minneapolis is because it is notable in the sense that it is the first time in a long time that something has compelled me to get out of bed and leave my room and leave my house day after day. And it was in the middle of a Minnesota winter, almost all outside. And multiple bus rides away.<br />
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I don't have any idea what impact my presence at any of this might bring, it's hard to imagine it doing much. And, I know that a whole lot of folks simply coming together and raising one unified voice is one of the most powerful things there is. And I know it takes a whole bunch of individuals bringing whatever they've got to the table to address the “issues” that surround us. Therefore each single voice is of incalculable importance in any effort towards change.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Suicide steals an average of </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">117</span><span style="font-size: large;"> of those voices every day. </span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">117</span><span style="font-size: large;"> people gone TODAY because of suicide.</span></b> <br />
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That is <b>117</b> people that can no longer effect change in any other “issue” that needs change. <b>117</b> voices silenced. <b>117</b> bodies erased. <b>117</b> stories ended. <br />
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<b>And tomorrow there will be another 117.</b><br />
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I don't know what my life is doing- what impact it is having. Most of the time I don't think it's doing much. But- except in my darkest hours- I feel pretty confident that I need to be alive to have any sort of impact on anything or anyone. I have to be alive to show up at a protest. I have to be alive to have conversations about justice and peace. I have to be alive to offer an understanding glance or even a handshake or a hug. I have to show up to be counted or heard. I have to be alive to help people understand mental illness and suicide.<br />
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So I think suicide prevention is absolutely a justifiable thing to ask you to invest your attention and even resources in, partly because it is what will keep people like me in the fight for everything else. Prevent one suicide and who knows the impact that one person will have on the rest of the world. <b>To fight against suicide means increased opportunity for us to fight for so many other things- justice, peace, education, freedom, clean water, opportunity, you name it!</b><br />
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And so I walk (a protest of sorts) again this year. In less than 2 months, in San Francisco. And I am asking you to help make it possible for me to do so. Please, if you are able, go to <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=16290" target="_blank">my fundraising page</a> to donate.<br />
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<i>* If you are curious and want to learn more about the walk, I have written about it a number of times over the past few years. You can read all of those posts <a href="http://dstizzle.blogspot.com/search/label/Out%20of%20the%20Darkness%20%28AFSP%29" target="_blank">here</a>.</i>DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-58491296677774190282016-01-08T17:11:00.001-06:002016-01-08T17:11:09.106-06:00"a whispering, wily villain"<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"This is a live-in demon. A whispering, wily villain that braids your thoughts with her desires, making you forget what’s yours and what’s hers. It’s a dark and loveless companionship, and you know the only way to live is to leave, and the leaving will shatter the life you knew. It’s when someone wants you hurt and it's when someone wants you dead. And that someone is you."</i></blockquote>
<a name='more'></a><a href="http://www.nami.org/" target="_blank">NAMI</a> (Nation Alliance on Mental Illness) now has a cool spot on their website simply called <a href="http://www.nami.org/Personal-Stories" target="_blank">Personal Stories</a>." NAMI is known for the research and advocacy and education and I think this place- where real people can talk about what mental illness is really like (not just stats and numbers)- is a beautiful thing. Some day when you are bored or have a little extra time, read some of the stuff people have written.<br />
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The above quote is from the most recent <a href="https://www.blogger.com/Before%20I%20struggled%20with%20depression%20and%20anxiety,%20I%20had%20no%20clue%20what%20it%20meant%20to%20be%20depressed.%20Now%20I%20know,%20but%20it%E2%80%99s%20tough%20to%20explain.%20An%20attempt,%20from%20a%20bleary-eyed%20late%20night%20when%20the%20dark%20streak%20in%20me%20was%20stirring%20something%20wild:%20I%20have%20a%20ghost,%20and%20she%20lives%20in%20me.%20%20-%20See%20more%20at:%20http://www.nami.org/Personal-Stories/I-Have-a-Ghost-and-She-Lives-in-Me#sthash.tappYgDY.dpuf" target="_blank">post</a>. The writer starts by saying:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Before I struggled with depression and anxiety, I had no clue what it meant to be depressed. Now I know, but it’s tough to explain. An attempt, from a bleary-eyed late night when the dark streak in me was stirring something wild: </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I have a ghost, and she lives in me.</i></blockquote>
I appreciate anyone who can put words to what it is like living with mental illness. Check out the rest of what this person had to say.DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-88085041227743609542015-12-02T02:10:00.002-06:002015-12-02T02:42:50.815-06:00#Justice4Jamar - youth leaders<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; padding: 0px;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px;">Today as I sat outside the 4th precinct I felt discouraged. Last night's snow collapsed tents. Firewood is </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">dwindling while temperatures are dropping. While delicious hot food is still plentiful, the hot drinks aren't as much. People are tired... from the sleep depravation, the need to constantly stay alert to attacks on the #4thPrecinctShutdown occupation, from hearing all that's being said in mainstream media and knowing it tends to paint a very one-sided picture, from crying and singing and laughing and shouting and silence, from the years and decades and centuries that have led up to this, from the developments and reality of other similar situations (i.e. Tamir Rice, Laquan McDonald) where white police are murdering black people... and while progress has been made, it isn't happening to the extent nor at the rate that is needed. This all is still just so huge- systemic racial oppression is a hard beast to slay. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">And then a school bus slows down as it drives by the barricade and I hear all these tiny little voices yelling "BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!!" out the windows, and we all raise our fists in the air in solidarity with the kids... and my heart melts and tears form and I am reminded that no matter how discouraged, no matter how tired, no matter how hopeless it seems... this may be the most meaningful thing I have ever been a part of in my 30+ of life. What we are doing here, the fight we are a part of with countless who have gone before and are fighting now- including <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-rosa-parks-legacy-lives-on-in-the-black-lives-matter-movement_565cb2fce4b072e9d1c2c987" target="_blank">Rosa Parks</a> who refused to get up 60 years ago yesterday- it is a REALLY big deal. It matters, a lot. And people are putting their lives on the line in a whole myriad of ways in Minneapolis to change the course of history.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I came home tonight I saw </span><a href="http://youtu.be/YRkJLdHsbvg" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px;" target="_blank">this</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">, and it encouraged my soul DEEPLY. The youth here have represented in HUGE ways, and they no doubt are taking risks (like when a couple hundred students did walkouts last week). They are on the front lines and are leading us all. To read/watch this affirmation of the power and influence that youth have is so beautiful. And, when most of what is being thrown around is criticism, it is refreshing to hear such affirmation.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>MPS Board of Education Director's open letter to Minneapolis youth. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear Students of Minneapolis Public Schools,</span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">This letter has been on my heart for quite some time and I want to finally have it reach your ears with the purpose of expressing my gratitude and respect – along with a promise – following last year’s student walkouts after the Michael Brown verdict and, more recently, your participation in the peaceful protest advocating <a class="_5ayv" href="https://m.facebook.com/hashtag/justice4jamar?refid=52&__tn__=%2As" style="color: #576b95; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;"><span class="_5aw4" style="color: #6d84b4;">#</span><span class="_5ayu">Justice4Jamar</span></a>. </span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am deeply stirred by the leadership and solidarity so many of you have shown in standing up to say Black Lives Matter. </span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can’t tell you how heavy it weighs on me that you - like me, like my parents, and like my grandparents before them - still need to convince people that Black Lives Matter, in the 21st century.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I'm tired of marching for something that should have been mine at birth" was one of the most powerful statements from Dr. Martin Luther King (1967). Nearly 50 years later, still you march and protest and we as adults hear you loud and clearly.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Like you, I am tired. Like you, I’m in pain. And like you, “I ain’t going nowhere." We have power. And as the chant goes, "the people united will never be defeated." </span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Because this is about our nation’s moral compass. This is about what it means to be a Beloved Community. It’s about the right to live fully for so many of us. </span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope you have felt supported in your choice to speak out. I have seen families, teachers, business and faith leaders, community leaders, elected officials, and many, many regular folks leading the way and standing beside you. But I want to take things a step further and acknowledge our complicity. As adults, leaders, and elected officials we have shaped and allowed the conditions that led to this point. We can’t celebrate your activism without acknowledging our complicity – and our own power to change things – directly in our schools and our communities for a start.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Adults can have the best intentions, but if we don’t change our behaviors and policies and really measure the impact our choices will have, change will never come.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">THANK YOU for waking us up. Thank you for calling us out. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to do better. Whether you protest or not, we see you. Whether you chanted or not, we hear you. Most movements for justice around the world have been led by young people. So I want to celebrate your courage in upholding this tradition. And yet you shouldn’t have to. So today I want to promise you this and I invite adults in our community to join me:</span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I will put you at the center and make it a practice to share how I’m doing so every time. You need to see us fighting like hell for you and feel us protecting, nurturing, learning from, and uplifting you. If you don’t see that... If you don’t feel that... it's on us. But we can change and do what it takes so the reality of your life, your family, your neighborhood, your streets and your schools show you that Black Lives Matter.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Onward Together,</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tracine Asberry</span></span></blockquote>
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DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-38246227765937408922015-11-24T20:05:00.000-06:002015-11-24T20:20:54.843-06:00#Justice4Jamar - appalling silence<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but <b>the appalling silence of the good people</b>.</i></span> </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> – Martin Luther King, Jr.</span></blockquote>
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<a name='more'></a>I'm pretty pissed off at this point. I have been for the past week, but today I hit the boiling point. I have no doubt that I will offend and/or piss off people with this post. So it goes I guess. <br />
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Today I posted 5 things on Facebook regarding the injustices in our world directly relating to racism in America as seen in the current situation in north Minneapolis. Additionally, I made my old cover photo my new profile picture. More people liked the "new" profile picture (that has been on my Facebook page for a long time already) than cumulatively liked the 5 other posts today. That is fucked up. Really fucked up. Thanks for thinking that my dog and I are worth the effort of your pointer finger clicking down on "like." However, if that is the one thing on my page that gets your attention, I am absolutely APPALLED.<br />
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And it's not just Facebook. I've found that for the most part, people are not interested in dialogue about what is going on. Yeah, that dialogue very well could become heated and messy and really hard- SO BE IT. <br />
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MLK tends to be pretty highly respected in the eyes of pretty much everybody, it seems. Me- not necessarily as much. So I'm gonna let him do some talking on here.</div>
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<i>Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them. </i>(MLK)</blockquote>
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Folks... if that doesn't grieve your heart and piss you off and ignite a fire in your soul because it is so jacked up that this is STILL the reality in our world- even in my city and yours- check yourself. People are LOSING THEIR LIVES because of the racist bullshit that we call "politics" and "law" and the "system" and "justice." People are LOSING THEIR LIVES because they are black and the system is set up with the premise that black is guilty. It's not necessarily overt anymore, but it- racism- is alive and well. We are ALL guilty of it to one extent or another. Please do not deny it any longer. No change will happen if we aren't even willing to admit what's true. And the fact that I (and maybe you) get to sit and ponder whether or not I (and maybe you) think that it is actually really true that there is systemic racial oppression happening in the name of "law" and "justice" and "protection" and whatever else... probably kinda points to the fact that I (and maybe you) are privileged in the eyes of this system to even have such a "luxury."<br />
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<i>Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and consciencious stupidity. </i> (MLK)</blockquote>
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There's a pastor in Minneapolis that I have so much respect for- Jin Kim. He said this today, and I think it is far more gentle and assertive than I could be:</div>
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<i>Friends, let me define racism simply. When all the facts are not known, but our gut tells us to give the benefit of the doubt to white institutions, white pronouncements, basically other white people MORE THAN the witness of people of color, then it's pretty clear that our bodies are racist, even if our minds are not.</i> </blockquote>
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<i>I don't say this judgmentally. I always remind my people at Church of All Nations that as long as I'm the senior pastor, I'm also the senior racist. My instincts have also been shaped by white supremacy as I've lived in the US for 40+ years. I'm one of the lighter skinned people that the police find non-threatening, kinda like off-white.</i> </blockquote>
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<i>At the very core of this nation's psychology is the fear & hatred of blackness. Ironically, hatred of blacks is just the self-loathing of white people (& whitewashed people like me) projected outward for all the rot, filth, theft, rape, murder & endless violence perpetrated for over 400 years by settlers & their descendants to advance white supremacy.</i></blockquote>
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I don't know what action looks like for you in all of this. Maybe it is educating yourself. Maybe it is hard conversations. Maybe it is confessing and apologizing. Maybe it is writing. Maybe it is interacting with the situation via the internet. Maybe it is protesting. Maybe it is bringing food or firewood down to the protest. Maybe it is crying. Maybe it is political activism. Maybe it is working at changing policy. Maybe it is doing your job differently. Maybe it is making phone calls or writing letters/e-mails. Maybe it is signing petitions- or even creating them. And if you are a Christian, it sure as hell better mean praying. Whatever it looks like for you to respond to what is going on, please do it. </div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Our lives begin to end </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>the day we become silent</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>about things that matter.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">-Martin Luther King, Jr.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><a href="http://livestream.com/unicornriot/events/4512162?t=1447885861421" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Watch the #4thPrecinctShutdown live. </span></a></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><a href="http://livestream.com/unicornriot/events/4512162?t=1447885861421" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> It's way more informative than just getting soundbites from the news.</span></a></b></span></div>
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DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-74709768609164856162015-11-22T18:17:00.001-06:002015-11-22T18:18:08.823-06:00You never stop fighting for your own.<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>What do you mean "Is it worth my time??"</i></div>
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<i>T</i><i>hat doesn't even deserve an answer.</i></div>
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<a href="http://www.micahbournes.com/#!portfolio/project-1.html" target="_blank">-Micah Bournes</a></div>
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<a name='more'></a>One of the "chants" of social justice movements are these words from <a href="http://www.thetalkingdrum.com/tmp.html" target="_blank">Assata Shakur</a>:<br />
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<i>It is our duty to fight for our freedom.<br />It is our duty to win.<br />We must love each other and support each other.<br />We have nothing to lose but our chains.</i></blockquote>
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It has been a favorite of the #Justice4Jamar protests, and to hear it shouted by hundreds surrounding you is a moving thing.</div>
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This spoken word piece by Micah Bournes reminds me of Assata's words. I think it's worth watching. It will only take 2 minutes and 9 seconds of your time...<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/60349898" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe></div>
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If you have another 4 minutes, watch this...</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/85381703" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe></div>
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<blockquote>
<i>Remember-<br /> most injustice is legalized<br /> most truth speakers are crucified<br /> and policy change requires sacrifice<br />amendments are written in the blood of martyrs and victims<br />justice is victor only when those alien to her are personified</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Micah Bournes </blockquote>
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DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-54455029647069596172015-11-21T01:36:00.000-06:002015-11-22T17:25:19.702-06:00#Justice4Jamar - it's personalOne of the things that has been circulating through my head throughout this week is that when fighting for "a cause" it is often easy to forget that we are talking about people's lives. This is WAY bigger than any one person. AND, it is composed of a whole bunch of one-person's. And there is a reason that people are fighting for what they are fighting for, and it often has a very personal component. <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>We all have our reasons for engaging (or not engaging) in the protest that has been going on outside the 4th precinct in Minneapolis in light of an unarmed young black man being murdered by a cop. The overarching goal is quite simply justice. The immediate demand is that the officer who shot Jamar Clark be prosecuted, and that the people be allowed to see the evidence that is being hidden. The personal reality is that individuals are grieving, hurting, afraid, angry. This is hugely personal, particularly for the black people here, and all people of color here- because they live in the reality of systematic racism and oppression every day. <br />
<br />
When I arrived this afternoon, within minutes a young man brought pizza over and asked if I wanted some. (Side note- the way that the community has stepped up BIG TIME in all of this has been AMAZING. Food, coffee, tents, winter gear, firewood... the list goes on and on. It's just freaking beautiful.) In a moment of incredible vulnerability, the young man offering me pizza said, "It was my brother..." and just hung his head. "That was your brother??" "Yeah, I'm the baby. I just can't believe it..." This is not only a social justice issue. It is that- it is huge. And... This is family mourning. This is friends grieving. This is a 10-year-old who watched the murder traumatized. This is a community tired and pissed off.<br />
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So my request is this: when you are reading stuff, watching news, speaking about all this- remember that you are talking about real people, who have real feelings. Remember that this is personal- what is said about individuals (on both/all sides) probably affects them and/or their loved ones much more than we imagine. <br />
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<b>And, remember to pray. Learn, dialogue, protest, be present- YES. And, pray. People are hurting. Don't forget to pray for them. No matter if you align with what they say and do or not, just pray for them.</b>DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-30442232909398139302015-11-19T15:55:00.001-06:002015-11-19T15:57:08.651-06:00#Justice4Jamar - turn the tables<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"...an unjust law is a code that the majority inflicts on the minority that is not binding on itself."</i><br />
Martin Luther King, Jr. (from "Love, Law, and Civil Disobedience")</blockquote>
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<a name='more'></a>Yesterday there was a point in the #Justice4Jamar precinct that is being led by Black Lives Matter in north Minneapolis where a protestor was interacting with a cop and asked what would happen if the tables were turned- if a person shot and killed a police officer. The cop responded at first that what happened to Jamar Clark was an accident (which is in direct conflict with everything that is being said- including by "the authorities"). He stumbled over his words that he quickly realized he had said, and then responded to the initial question saying that the shooter would be in custody, no doubt about it. Even if it were a supposed "an accident".<br />
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So, then, it's quite perplexing why the cops involved in this homicide are currently getting paid and are completely free. Because cops are always right? Or even mostly always right? And the public is always, or mostly always, wrong? Because homicide committed by a police officer is assumed justifiable but homicide committed by a non-officer is assumed wrong and criminal? I do not understand why cops who commit homicide are assumed innocent and thus free (and even paid!) until proven otherwise, while non-uniformed folks who commit homicide are assumed guilty and thus locked up until there is sufficient evidence to release them. I am not saying there should be less severe consequences for those who kill others. I am saying that those consequences need to happen across the board. The double standard that is SO OBVIOUS is SO RIDICULOUS.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">#4thPrecinctShutDown continues.</span><br />
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/BlackLivesMatterMinneapolis/photos/a.840301319346996.1073741830.838424259534702/1010446445665815/?type=3&hc_location=ufi" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Tonight. 5pm. And anytime before or after.</span></a>DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-1634051913369511312015-11-18T23:28:00.000-06:002015-11-19T11:56:10.025-06:00#Justice4Jamar - loyalty and power<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.</i></blockquote>
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-Martin Luther King, Jr. </blockquote>
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<a name='more'></a>As a resident of Minneapolis, I feel the tension that is present in our city deeply. This is my city, and there is no question that there is institutional racism present, not to mention the racism alive in people (in all of us, in my opinion). In light of the current situation here, although I don't really know what to say, I feel like I need to say something.<br />
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In case you aren't aware of what's happening here, here is a very basic summary:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Jamar Clark was shot by Minneapolis police at 12:45 a.m. on Sunday, Nov. 15 outside of an apartment on the 1600 block of Plymouth Avenue N. Clark, 24, died Monday, Nov. 16 after he was removed from life support. Witnesses have said Clark was in handcuffs and unarmed at the time of the shooting, but Minneapolis police said preliminary reports indicate Clark was not handcuffed. The medical examiner ruled the death a homicide. He was shot in the head. There is video footage of the incident, but it is not being made accessible to the public. The investigations are all being done within "the system." Black Lives Matter is alive and well protesting for the 4th day now outside the precinct where the murder happened. The protest has been peaceful and organized, despite intimidation tactics the police has attempted. The demands of Black Lives Matter are: 1. Footage from the incident. 2. An independent organization to investigate. 3. Media to cover witness testimony, not just police point of view. 4. Community oversight with “full disciplinary power”. 5. Officers to live in the communities they serve.</blockquote>
As I have been processing all of this, two words have been circulating in my head, along with the obvious one (JUSTICE). The 2 words are loyalty and power.<br />
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This is going to sound silly, but I've been watching the TV show Blue Bloods on Netflix and interestingly enough it has opened my eyes some to the other side (the police side) of stuff like what is going on here right now... the challenges the police face, what goes on behind the scenes, etc. I watched an episode recently where there was a cop that killed a man in custody, and the episode highlighted how all the other cops stuck together and no matter what they had each others' backs. That's loyalty. They will default to giving "their people" the benefit of the doubt. What the cops say is what is believed first. The community, on the other hand, is loyal to the community. We default to giving "our people" the benefit of the doubt. What the community says- the witnesses, the residents, etc.- is what is believed first. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with loyalty. I think loyalty is a very powerful thing that can do A LOT of good.<br />
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There is a fundamental difference between the loyalty amongst the police and "the powers that be", and the loyalty amongst the community. Power. The power lies in the institution. The power lies in the majority. The power lies in a history of systemic injustice. <br />
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Power always needs to be held accountable. And those in power seem to tend to like to keep that accountability in house. I.e. investigating this shooting within the police, or even the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension. The main demand here is that those outside the system get a chance to weigh in on what justice actually is in this situation. The demand is for ALL to have a voice, which is undeniably not how it is now. <br />
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Protest makes sense because the only way for the voice of those not in power to be heard is to unify and declare loudly and visibly that those in power are not the only ones with a voice.<br />
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In my humble opinion, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s <a href="https://kinginstitute.stanford.edu/king-papers/documents/letter-birmingham-jail" target="_blank">Letter From Birmingham City Jail</a> is one of the most profound, poignant, convicting things ever written, ever. Please, please read it. If you've read it in the past, read it again. If you've never read it, read it ASAP. Obviously MLK can say stuff way better than I ever will be able to, so I just want to offer this small excerpt from his letter.<br />
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You may well ask, “Why direct action? Why sit-ins, marches, etc.? Isn’t negotiation a better path?” You are exactly right in your call for negotiation. Indeed, this is the purpose of direct action. Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and establish such creative tension that a community that has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. </blockquote>
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My friends, I must say to you that we have not made a single gain in civil rights without legal and nonviolent pressure. History is the long and tragic story of the fact that privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily. Individuals may see the moral light and give up their unjust posture; but as Reinhold Niebuhr has reminded us, groups are more immoral than individuals. </blockquote>
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We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly I have never yet engaged in a direct action movement that was “well timed,” according to the timetable of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word “Wait!” It rings in the ear of every Negro with a piercing familiarity. This “wait” has almost always meant “never.”</blockquote>
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<b>There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into an abyss of injustice where they experience the bleakness of corroding despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience. </b></blockquote>
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Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear-drenched communities and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all of their scintillating beauty. </blockquote>
Please, read the letter in its entirety. I have about a zillion things I want to say about all of this, but don't know how to do so. I had to say something though. <b><i>Pray for Minneapolis.</i></b><br />
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I've been watching a live feed of the protest for the past 11 hours. I hope to be there in person tomorrow. I hope those of you who can will head to the 4th precinct in north Minneapolis and join this plea for justice. If you can't, be a part of it in the cyber world. The live feed is at <a href="http://livestream.com/unicornriot/events/4512162">http://livestream.com/unicornriot/events/4512162</a>DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-71420973508086059682015-09-28T20:08:00.000-05:002015-09-28T20:11:26.619-05:00game-changer peopleSeptember 28th, 2013 started with a phone call almost exactly at 6:00am, if I remember correctly. I didn't answer it the first time- half because I was in a daze, half because I knew the words that would follow as soon as I said, "hey..." I remember where I was (which is a big deal because I was homeless that year so I often didn't stay in the same place 2 nights in a row)... I remember the simultaneous feelings of an exhale of relief and getting the wind punched right out of my gut. I remember the tears- the same ones that streak my face now... I remember the questions, the prayers, the planning... the deep, deep pain of loss- for myself, for one of my best friends, for my little buddy, for a family that is as family to me as anyone, for friends I hardly knew...<br />
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There are certain people, and I think even more uniquely, certain relationships, that are "game-changers." It's nearly impossible to explain why the connection you share impacts you so profoundly, but the path of your life looks significantly different than it did before they stepped in. I can name huge ways that countless people have changed my life- like I've said over and over again, my life is filled with the most amazing people. And then there are these people that seem to be sent into my journey JUST to point me in a different direction, or give me an energy boost to make it to the next point... I don't know how to explain it, but there are just <i>these people</i>...<br />
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<a name='more'></a>That phone call 2 years ago was to tell me that one of these "game-changer people" passed away that night. I miss <a href="http://www.livinglegendary.org/proof-of-living-legendary/" target="_blank">Jen</a> so much... she was like... I don't know what she was like... a teacher/role model/coach/cheerleader/sponsor/teammate, or something... she spoke truth about how to live, then lived it, then taught me how to do it, then encouraged me, gave me tools to live it, and was with me in it... All I've got are basketball analogies... suffice it to say she was a "game-changer."<br />
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A couple weeks ago I went back and spent a little time retracing the last steps I took with Jen. It was almost exactly 2 months before that phone call. I was in town as part of a summer road trip and she asked me to take photos of her and her son... photos that would likely be up at the funeral that was imminent. That afternoon with the 2 of them is one of the most cherished memories I have- as a friend and as a photographer, and as a human. He didn't know that his mom wouldn't be there the day he would turn 7 a few months later, but she had a pretty good idea. So for an hour or so, I tried to give them forever moments. When I went back to where we took the photos just a couple weeks ago, the sky was ominous. There was less beauty there than the day we shot those photos. And yet there was more beauty because that is where we shot those photos... I don't know, I'm rambling. I'm just really thankful for Jen and I'm thankful for how my life is considerably different because of our relationship. Maybe today could you pray for her son, her parents, her sister and brother and their families, her friends, everyone that might be missing her a little extra intensely today?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivsDbbFeauwYjZnBv45rj7vDFTsiiBBqDLcmUGIfwqrc_F7KW50aMSe7uxFBRabqOJNwNK_j6ZRXA00azTHKjAcKUhZEZY_KPLRCJXkQrHpvGLcN6VckpuGKAgrOZc5f4C3hc7S1YhH50/s1600/Jen+%2526+Corbin+collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivsDbbFeauwYjZnBv45rj7vDFTsiiBBqDLcmUGIfwqrc_F7KW50aMSe7uxFBRabqOJNwNK_j6ZRXA00azTHKjAcKUhZEZY_KPLRCJXkQrHpvGLcN6VckpuGKAgrOZc5f4C3hc7S1YhH50/s320/Jen+%2526+Corbin+collage.jpg" width="320" /></a>These are some of the photos from that day (posted in <i style="font-family: 'Rock Salt'; font-stretch: normal;"><b style="color: black; font-stretch: normal; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://dstizzle.blogspot.com/2013/08/please-pray-for-legendary-friend.html" style="color: black; font-stretch: normal; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Please pray for a legendary friend</span></a></b></i>)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNemC_uNxUXMj7OHxsDrynqLuRJGZZybiN-5S4PgQhpLgHMZAzuWykrq4ck2nK2jpE33nGim4_1LXArXqwzT32sixpcuFLaqLNu_W4HdSHuL15tMqpoQDpu4E9qln35m9CsDag4Bb4gxk/s1600/File+Sep+28%252C+7+48+15+PM.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNemC_uNxUXMj7OHxsDrynqLuRJGZZybiN-5S4PgQhpLgHMZAzuWykrq4ck2nK2jpE33nGim4_1LXArXqwzT32sixpcuFLaqLNu_W4HdSHuL15tMqpoQDpu4E9qln35m9CsDag4Bb4gxk/s320/File+Sep+28%252C+7+48+15+PM.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
And these are from a couple weeks ago- the same bench they had sat on (which Jen randomly chose, and then saw that it had been dedicated "For Jennifer. Imagine all the people living life in peace.), the same brick wall thing, the same gardens...DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-7123739725753520842015-09-10T22:39:00.000-05:002015-09-10T22:42:56.508-05:00You'll See Me TomorrowYou'll see me tomorrow... because I have 3 nephieces and they are the most important people in my life and they need the love and support of their GuTze. Because #NaomiGirlfriend has a long ways to go and no one will get her there like I can and no one can take care of her like I can. Because there are kids and families that I've poured my life into and they into me and we are meant to do this life thing together. Because there's more bubble tea to enjoy, more Chicago deep dish pizza to devour, more Korean BBQ and kimchi to savor, more of Jamie's chocolate chip cookies to try to only eat a couple at a time but fail every time. Because I have dreams that haven't happened, visions not yet realized. Because there are tears to cry and laughs to laugh and silent moments to be embraced. Because there are words to read and words to write, words to be said and words to hear. Because so many more adventures await. Because I promised Ireland I would come back. Because of hugs. Because I'm a drummer and drummers keep rockin their beat whether anyone wants them to or not. Because my mom and dad don't want to bury their daughter and parents just aren't supposed to have to bury their kids. Because what was the point of staying this long if I'm not willing to fight another day? Because my story matters and for it to have the greatest impact, I need to be the one that tells it. Because there are sunrises and sunsets and clouds and stars that have yet to leave me in awe. Because there's music I still haven't heard and music I want to hear again. Because there are more Out of the Darkness overnight walks to walk. Because I have the most amazing people in the world in my life and we need each other- I don't just need them, they need me too. And ultimately, because it isn't up to me- it's for God's Name's sake that my life is preserved (Psalm 143). I'll see you tomorrow because suicide doesn't get to win.<br />
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#stopsuicide #wellseeyoutomorrow #suicidepreventionweek #suicideprevention #twloha @afspnational #worldsuicidepreventionday #wspd15DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-56177832636447694472015-09-10T01:00:00.000-05:002015-09-10T01:00:07.324-05:00See You Tomorrow<div class="tr_bq">
Today is the day when people all over the world join together to say that losing another person to suicide EVERY 40 SECONDS isn't okay. It's the day when those of us fighting can see that others are fighting bravely as well, and we can inspire each other. It's the day when those of us grieving can see that we do not grieve alone. It's the day when questions are raised, stories are told, statistics are posted... When "suicide" isn't a taboo word but is acknowledged as a reality that needs to be talked about. My hope is that it isn't "the day" that happens once a year, but that it's "a day" among many that happen year-round. </div>
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<a name='more'></a>I was going to write something original, but sometimes it just seems best to add an "amen" to what others have already said well. So once again I will direct you over to the <a href="https://twloha.com/blog/" target="_blank">To Write Love On Her Arms blog</a>. Their theme for this <a href="https://twloha.com/blog/welcome-to-national-suicide-prevention-week-2015/" target="_blank">National Suicide Prevention Week</a> and this International Suicide Prevention Day is "We'll See You Tomorrow."<br />
<br />
Here are just a couple lines from a <a href="https://twloha.com/blog/promise-me-tomorrow/" target="_blank">poignant poem</a> written for this week, this day, for all of us that need to hear it. Go read the whole thing. And the other stuff they have up from this week.<br />
<blockquote>
Sometimes tomorrow feels impossible. The night is so long<br />
when you feel like you want to die and the dawn seems miles away.<br />
I know.</blockquote>
DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-33031305258197039552015-08-29T21:22:00.000-05:002015-08-29T21:22:17.834-05:00Naomi Girlfriend: therapy and service<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZF0CtYB8MCH2xiCBF6ozowrvwXf-7iDxjlmSuUfWpr-LeeD0XWwvtGK2ULE21cWkqOCf8b_1KQQ93T07kEEjVcrntpzvCZ5ckS4bvYwOYyumVUqNrrV8n5QagbkM9xf0CwDIRMEHNpXE/s1600/IMG_9533.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZF0CtYB8MCH2xiCBF6ozowrvwXf-7iDxjlmSuUfWpr-LeeD0XWwvtGK2ULE21cWkqOCf8b_1KQQ93T07kEEjVcrntpzvCZ5ckS4bvYwOYyumVUqNrrV8n5QagbkM9xf0CwDIRMEHNpXE/s320/IMG_9533.jpg" width="213" /></a>After spending a few hours one Saturday with Naomi (at that time her name was "Winter") and the owners of the rescue place I got her from (after spending many hours with dogs from all sorts of rescue places that day), I decided that she was "the one." I have no idea what brought me to the point of adopting her... I hadn't intended to get a dog that day, she and I didn't have some magical connection (like my old dog Matty and I had), she was definitely rough around the edges and was far more interested in all the activity around her than she was in me. I also had always figured I'd get a dog with some lab or retriever in its mix, but had recently also kept my eyes on pit bulls as they are consistently noted as good breeds for children and for therapy and service dogs.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>From the initial stages of "actively wanting" a dog, the plan has always been to train her to become a therapy dog. I have been hospitalized 9 times in a locked psychiatric/behavioral health unit. Every once in awhile (maybe once in a week or two) someone would bring a therapy dog up to our unit for a little bit. I don't know how to describe how amazing it was to be with that dog for just a few minutes. It was like a glimpse of the outside world, but the best of the outside world. The dogs brought fresh life, joy, peace in their presence, a glimmer of hope in a place lacking hope. I felt what the dogs did for me, and I saw what it did for other patients. We came together around that dog- took turns petting it, being wowed by its tricks, telling stories of our own pets, sharing of the impact animals had/have in our lives... people that never left their room other than to eat ventured out when a dog came on the unit. People like me that didn't interact with anyone suddenly connected with others. We smiled and laughed and felt okay for a little bit, even after the dog was gone. The visits from therapy dogs made a significant difference in our lives then, and it has impacted me greatly ever since. I want to be able to "pay that forward." And while therapy dogs are increasingly brought to certain populations, it seems that the psych ward is not generally a place people like to go visit- with or without a dog. I want to change that.<br />
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While there is ample testimony and observation, honestly there isn't a ton of scientific evidence that can decisively prove that animals have a noteworthy impact on those with mental illnesses, but that is changing. Much of the effectiveness of animals is attributed to the effect on the hormone oxytocin.<br />
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The hormone's influence on our behavior and physiology originates in the brain, where it's produced by the by a structure called the hypothalamus, and then transfers to the pituitary gland which releases into the bloodstream.. Like antennas picking up a signal, oxytocin receptors are found on cells throughout the body. Levels of the hormone tend to be higher during both stressful and socially bonding experiences, according to the American Psychological Association. </blockquote>
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"It's like a hormone of attachment, you might say," said Carol Rinkleib Ellison, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Loomis, California and former assistant clinical psychiatry professor at the University of California, San Francisco. "It creates feelings of calm and closeness." (from <a href="http://www.livescience.com/35219-11-effects-of-oxytocin.html" target="_blank">11 Effects of Oxytocin</a>)</blockquote>
The effects of increased levels of this are vast- deeper connection with others, decreased drug cravings, decreased stress, increased sleep, increased generosity, among other things. (<a href="http://io9.com/5925206/10-reasons-why-oxytocin-is-the-most-amazing-molecule-in-the-world" target="_blank">10 Reasons Why Oxytocin Is The Most Amazing Molecule In The World</a> offers a quick glimpse of the power of this hormone)<br />
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Some of what <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3408111/">research</a> <i>has</i> proven in regards to the impact of animals therapeutically include:<br />
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<li>Increased positive social attention from others and stimulation of social behavior</li>
<li>Reduction of depression and promotion of a positive mood</li>
<li>Effects of HAI on cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine</li>
<li>Effects on blood pressure, heart rate, and heart rate variability</li>
<li>Reduction of fear and anxiety and promotion of calmness</li>
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This is kind of a disjointed post because I want to include some of the facts and offer some further information, but the reality is that I believe in the therapeutic power of animals because I have seen undeniable effects in myself and others. I've already seen Naomi Girlfriend be an unofficial "therapy dog" to friends in treatment, friends with mental illnesses, friends just having rough days... and with strangers in these contexts as well. <br />
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And, come on, just look at that big ol' smile and tell me your day didn't just get a little bit better!<br />
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<a href="http://www.angelonaleash.org/studies-the-amazing-healing-power-of-therapy-dogs/" target="_blank">The Amazing Healing Power of Therapy Dogs</a><br />
<a href="http://www.pawsforpeople.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Health-Benefits-of-Animal-Assisted-Interventions.pdf" target="_blank">Health Benefits of Animal-Assisted Interventions</a>DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-53593229727459272642015-07-26T00:04:00.000-05:002015-07-26T00:04:25.138-05:00Naomi Girlfriend: rescuing<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSDZDM1dw6Ulk525VizqPr7omlesuGYYSWic0p5w9SyJKNaU8bNgqIK-Dfv7dyZpO7KluZq46Z_s6dklq3GoT60UKUTEV2Br_ePwxoutCkMyUFEmAsRH4mKs33b_dkd-G8UphOsXxWYP0/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSDZDM1dw6Ulk525VizqPr7omlesuGYYSWic0p5w9SyJKNaU8bNgqIK-Dfv7dyZpO7KluZq46Z_s6dklq3GoT60UKUTEV2Br_ePwxoutCkMyUFEmAsRH4mKs33b_dkd-G8UphOsXxWYP0/s320/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a><br />
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You know the shirts and stickers and whatever else that say "Who rescued who?" It's cheesy, but it is really true. Technically, I guess I rescued Naomi Girlfriend. But unquestionably she has rescued me as much as, if not more than, I have rescued her.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The thing that finally made getting a dog a reality was a conversation with my psychiatrist about the possible therapeutic benefits of getting a dog. He wrote a letter that day which is more or less (as I understand it) like a prescription for an "emotional support companion." This letter describes that because my mental health conditions meet certain disabling criteria (or something like that), by law I have to be allowed to have an emotional support dog where I live- even if dogs aren't allowed.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[I would like to fully disclose that I have not done adequate research to know the technicalities of how that whole process works. All I know is from my personal experience and the experiences of others I know in similar situations.]</span></div>
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In a very peculiar way, it seems that this letter was an answer to prayer... prayers I had been praying for more than a year- that <i>somehow</i> I would be able to get a dog. The letter was written in the midst of a conversation where my psychiatrist was saying we don't really have more options, we have to start thinking outside of the box. That's not a very hopeful conversation. But getting a dog was something outside of the box, and I was eager to try it. About 4-6 weeks later, I had a dog. I'll write another post on the long-term hopes and goals for/with Naomi Girlfriend, but right now I want to just write about what the last 6 month with her have been like...</div>
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This dog continually saves my life. I say that and I write it with streams of tears rolling down my face because it is so deeply true. I don't know how to explain how she does it, but I don't think I'd be here today without her.</div>
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Less than 3 weeks after bringing Naomi home, I went back into the psych ward for 2 weeks. There had come a point where suicide, in my mind, was inevitable. I could continue to delay for however long, but sooner or later it would happen. I've written enough on here about what it feels like to lose hope that I won't go into it now other than to "set the stage" for Naomi's entrance into my world. It sounds a bit overly dramatic, and maybe it is, but to me she felt like my last chance at hope.</div>
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When I got out of the hospital, I didn't even know if she'd remember me. My roommates had been taking care of her as long as I had prior to the hospital. But I was greeted by an abundance of jumps and kisses. Naomi and I quickly set to work on training. It gave me something to focus on and fill my time with. (And she definitely needed it.) For a couple hours a day we trained. For months progress seemed nominal at best. But we kept working and we spent countless hours together. Just in the past month or so, it seems like she has made tons of progress... all our hard work is finally paying off. There aren't too many things that I feel like I am able to do right these days, but I know I do right by my dog. Even though I am no expert on training dogs, I know that I am doing it well, somehow. In most things, goals seem pointless and unattainable, but with Naomi I am setting and achieving goals. I'm able to make commitments and see them through; even if some days all that entails is food in her dish, trips outside to do her business and minimal exercise.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4WQMa_Zbzv0okqQkW8OoEGt1TReM7ouNWuNM7xkUMUOVKuVRCvAOekrrVPb_8ca-S2uK9v0aq7SbiVG2EbdGj1urQiR5OABt5epogVn6KHmICDwIODRQpHz2qMttgcHNt0aQwEEnTP-U/s1600/IMG_1804+%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4WQMa_Zbzv0okqQkW8OoEGt1TReM7ouNWuNM7xkUMUOVKuVRCvAOekrrVPb_8ca-S2uK9v0aq7SbiVG2EbdGj1urQiR5OABt5epogVn6KHmICDwIODRQpHz2qMttgcHNt0aQwEEnTP-U/s200/IMG_1804+%25281%2529.JPG" width="200" /></a>I never have to be alone anymore. Oftentimes people are a bit too much for me. Just being around people stirs anxiety in me, and this is generally amplified when interaction is expected. And at the same time, being alone can be a really hard thing for me. I know the harm I am capable of causing myself, and when I am alone those temptations can be overwhelming, even consuming. It has always been difficult to discern when I just need to be alone for awhile (a good thing) versus when I am withdrawing (a bad thing). Naomi, though, provides a way to be alone without being alone. I cannot describe how comforting her presence has been to me in the loneliest of moments, and how somehow it has kept me from making unwise choices.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb4sNPSCmROw2sS96dV7l7xNOJ9M4WzpYhav7vYO754AbhGaamCrS_Ye3g63DpHoRr-hog1c478lZyZCXiNcMMdZOu73U3tLbyas27OxGiOV8sL8ScXyxxIokgd8kHq8IVYFNC9-jskYk/s1600/IMG_1991.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb4sNPSCmROw2sS96dV7l7xNOJ9M4WzpYhav7vYO754AbhGaamCrS_Ye3g63DpHoRr-hog1c478lZyZCXiNcMMdZOu73U3tLbyas27OxGiOV8sL8ScXyxxIokgd8kHq8IVYFNC9-jskYk/s200/IMG_1991.JPG" width="200" /></a>Possibly the most amazing gift Naomi has given me is more consistent access to happiness than I think I have ever had before. Pit bulls have these big ol' mouths on their big block heads, so when they pant it looks like they have the biggest, cheesiest smile. I don't know if she's actually as happy as she looks in that moment, but when I look at her and see that big ol' smile, I feel happiness. When she is running around, jumping, rolling- just being a dog- I notice myself smiling, because I actually feel happy simply because it seems like she is happy.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejXAxMBwAjV_IgEnOqFMSa-BgJj-nemXAUrWu8o3RQox1nON-cI87it5jmcj4u4wPcv0RMBQacN3qHRdN17LuwkmVptr_vDPWtWstpGEcVQJ1onhvIyTy28wji7tix4AcYf2MWUFw_L8/s1600/IMG_1866.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejXAxMBwAjV_IgEnOqFMSa-BgJj-nemXAUrWu8o3RQox1nON-cI87it5jmcj4u4wPcv0RMBQacN3qHRdN17LuwkmVptr_vDPWtWstpGEcVQJ1onhvIyTy28wji7tix4AcYf2MWUFw_L8/s200/IMG_1866.JPG" width="200" /></a>By no means is Naomi Girlfriend the best dog ever. She is stubborn as hell, with this little mischievous side to her. She isn't that smart. She doesn't always listen. Much of her cuteness is actually just that she kinda looks so goofy it is cute. She is very quirky. And, she is awesome. She has absolutely changed my life, and saved my life.<br />
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And I want her to offer that to others as well...DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-18704166907769830212015-07-23T12:01:00.001-05:002015-07-23T12:01:18.126-05:00Naomi Girlfriend: the story before the story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Adopting Naomi Girlfriend (named by my nephews!) is easily one of the best things that has ever happened in my life. There are times when I get kinda self-conscious about how often I talk about her or how often I want her to join me in whatever I am doing. As I have been reflecting on why she is such a big deal to me, I feel little embarrassment about her significance to me.<br />
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Ever since I was very little, I have passionately loved dogs. I grew up with them and around them. <span style="text-align: right;"> The neighbors on the block who had dogs frequently found me in their yards playing with their dogs. I loved the Benji movies, even though they were an absolute emotional rollercoaster. I had dog books, dog calendars, dog figurine things (a lot of them, proudly mounted on their own special shelving unit thing), dog posters... my first e-mail address was "drumsndogs" (drums and dogs). </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga-GS8HRfqid18ZyMSlYkGRbp2pKOB-M9n-4lL6s3IRkMQuP1VoRcKiI9ZvEY17O8VT-SHOpPozTJYk2X4r8CN2yl2zqnmCP6Lb4lgyKfb5fGgshv2sH_SycdPpXsmxNDu5F8_tH7UMMo/s1600/Dawn+and+Boots.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga-GS8HRfqid18ZyMSlYkGRbp2pKOB-M9n-4lL6s3IRkMQuP1VoRcKiI9ZvEY17O8VT-SHOpPozTJYk2X4r8CN2yl2zqnmCP6Lb4lgyKfb5fGgshv2sH_SycdPpXsmxNDu5F8_tH7UMMo/s200/Dawn+and+Boots.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="text-align: right;">Our little mutt, Boots, was my companion in the early days. I'm guessing she tolerated my childish harassment, and then laid with me constantly through my brutal second bout of chickenpox when I was in elementary school. She died abruptly not long after, and it was my first experience of feeling like someone ripped my heart out of me and crashed it all over the floor. That may sound dramatic, but my dogs are really </span><i style="text-align: right;">that</i><span style="text-align: right;"> big of a deal to me. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaqr8QNelCtSfzUfwQneBC1QR3drr4DcvR_03B0IBUc3sQ5K2NEyMP1iSUGE3CqswkySlljCzuP-oRPBBGTND9JSWcU_k2KmDF3X-P1cjIptNOCyTeg2xvDg0NdGxi0AL9BwhtrYjR6NE/s1600/Dawn+%2526+Mena+199209.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaqr8QNelCtSfzUfwQneBC1QR3drr4DcvR_03B0IBUc3sQ5K2NEyMP1iSUGE3CqswkySlljCzuP-oRPBBGTND9JSWcU_k2KmDF3X-P1cjIptNOCyTeg2xvDg0NdGxi0AL9BwhtrYjR6NE/s200/Dawn+%2526+Mena+199209.jpg" width="200" /></a>Soon after Boots was run over, my uncle found a lab-retriever mix in the ditch along a country road. No one claimed her for weeks, so when he heard about Boots, he made the magic connection. (Some truth stretching may or may not have been necessary to get my parents on board!) Soon we brought home an older puppy that was about 3 times the size that Boots was. She was awkwardly growing into her disproportionate red body and we named her Mena (Malagasy for "red"). Through my difficult adolescent years filled with family issues, depression, much anger, a lot of loss and grief, confusion, loneliness and shame, Mena gave me a reason to come home when all I wanted to do was run away.</div>
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<span style="text-align: right;">When I was in college and didn't live with a dog for the first time ever, I went home with friends who had dogs, and I took care of any of my friends dogs when they would go out of town. A little over a year after college, my friend that I was living with decided to get a dog, and made the mistake of bringing me with to the humane society... She walked up to me and as I knelt down to pet her she just rested her head on my shoulder. I begged him to bring Matty home that day. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gORQX69cWg6GcTzjobfaQyuuJx5J8oofoSQozMHUngJWq35erK0_i8ZdaenZOPU0P917RBHa7S0-UTRbU5UOMYe2tRQtD9DrERJsGIT8ydrnwNuRAzSlmVfmP_mox-u5hgQJHbW7uCg/s1600/099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gORQX69cWg6GcTzjobfaQyuuJx5J8oofoSQozMHUngJWq35erK0_i8ZdaenZOPU0P917RBHa7S0-UTRbU5UOMYe2tRQtD9DrERJsGIT8ydrnwNuRAzSlmVfmP_mox-u5hgQJHbW7uCg/s200/099.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="text-align: right;">Matty helped me through the darkest years of my life, with an inexplicable ability to know when I needed her at my side. I could have a panic attack in the basement and she would somehow know and run downstairs, lay beside me and just rest her head on my chest. When everyone else was at work and I could hardly get out of bed, I was never alone because she was there. Matty and I have a bond I've never experienced with any other dog. </span><br />
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Living circumstances have prevented me from having a dog ever since I moved out of the house that Matty is at. I've always known I wanted to get a dog again soon, and about 2 years ago I couldn't get my mind off it. It has always been about far more than just having a dog for a pet. The therapeutic ramifications are incalculable. So, for a long time I researched, I prayed, I talked to people, I planned, I prayed, I hoped cautiously...<br />
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<br />
<br />
On January 8, 2015,<br />
I brought home Naomi Girlfriend.<br />
<br />
And she is one of the best things that has ever come into my life.<br />
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<br />
More on that to come...<br />
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DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-8940305491460863172015-04-25T13:40:00.000-05:002015-04-25T13:42:57.830-05:00the walk- a milestoneWe are on our way to Dallas! The event starts right around 7:00pm, so if you think of it, pray for us tonight and tomorrow morning.<br />
<br />
Another reason the walk has become such an important thing to me is because it serves as milestone in my fight for my life.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>In AA we are presented with a medallion/chip/pin each year. A key person or two that have been instrumental in your sobriety share a couple words about your progress. You then have a chance to share a few words about how you have gotten to where you are and any advice you might have. Many of us carry that medallion with us everywhere we go, reminding us of God's grace, the work we have to diligently do every day, and the community we are a part of.<br />
<br />
This annual recognition offers a chance to celebrate milestones in our recovery. I have found the walk to be something similar in my recovery from mental illness. Like I have said many times before, each year that I'm able to do the walk is another year that I have continued to live. That's an obvious statement, but is also profound to me.<br />
<br />
Similar to addiction recovery, the intensity of mental illness ebbs and flows. There are seasons where the darkness is more pervasive. There are victories and there are setbacks. Sometimes hope dominates our thinking, at times we are lured into despair. But for the purposes of the annual recognition, only one thing counts.<br />
<br />
In AA, it is another year of sobriety. With this walk, it is another year of living. This is about celebrating a victorious year. It is about focusing on achievement (through God's grace) rather than focusing on all the ways I could have fought better over the past year. It is about recognizing progress and embracing hope. It is about being proud of the hard work I have put in. It is about letting others affirm the strength and growth they see in me. It is about acknowledging the gift of friends and companions in the journey of recovery and healing. It is about pausing to sit in gratitude for God's abundant faithfulness. And it is about committing to another year of recovery, healing, growth. Another year of hope. Another year of life.<br />
<br />
Tonight I pause... I give thanks. I remember. I celebrate. I commit. Tonight I walk.DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-59500889868090376992015-04-19T16:23:00.001-05:002015-04-19T16:24:07.834-05:00the walk- the people that have made it possibleI am very aware of the influence others have had in my life. And I am very aware of the simple fact that I could not do these <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.home" target="_blank">Out of the Darkness Overnight walks</a> without the support of others. Doing the walk is a way for me to say thank you.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>When talking about the people who have it possible for me to do the walk, I feel like there are about 100 directions I could go with the "groupings" of people that I'm talking about. I'm going to try to just briefly hit on a few.<br />
<ol>
<li><i>Those who have donated resources to make the walk practically possible.</i> All the many people who have donated directly to <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/participant/dstizzle" target="_blank">my fundraising for the walks</a> (many who have done so anonymously), those that have covered travel expenses (flights, gas, hotels), those who have opened their homes and given me places to stay, those who have spread the word to others that might want to give... you get the idea.</li>
<li><i>Those who have encouraged me to do this walk</i>, often not really even knowing much about it. I have received so much encouragement in doing the walk each year, and even in the years before it ever became a realized experience. <i>And those who have asked to hear about the experience afterwards.</i></li>
<li><i>Those who have prayed for me throughout my trips to the walk each year.</i> The event is an intense experience, and is in some ways very triggering for me if for no other reason than that suicide is at the forefront of my mind since it is a suicide prevention walk. I have relied on the prayers of many to overcome the temptations to despair. I also have incredibly bad knees- like I'd qualify for knee replacements already. So walking 16-18 miles on knees that literally hurt every minute of every day is something that I can only do if people are praying me through.</li>
<li><i>Those I have met through mental health services, both providers and other clients.</i> I have had a few amazing therapists who deserve A LOT of credit for my life continuing. I have a psychiatrist who has worked with me for years and has gone above and beyond the 10-15 minute sessions in ways that few psychiatrists do. There have been staff in hospitals that have been huge for me at my lowest points. And the people I have met who have been receiving the same services as me- through group therapy, in the hospital, in waiting rooms, etc.- these are some of the most amazing people I have ever met and have possibly done more for my endurance and recovery than anyone else.</li>
<li><i>I have said it many times before and I will say it many more times- I have the most amazing network of people in my life that probably anyone has ever had.</i> Even in my loneliest hours, I always have the assurance that I am not alone. I think every time I have been in the hospital the staff and other patients have commented on how amazing it is that I have so many visitors. I bet that in my 9 hospitalizations (minus the one that was in El Paso, TX where I knew no one even relatively nearby), there have been maybe 5 days that I didn't have a visitor. My friends and family have endured so much pain caused by both me and my mental illnesses They have wrestled with confusion and sadness and fear and so many other things. They have made great sacrifices to support me, especially in the darkest times. They have been willing to learn, willing to be uncomfortable, willing to forgo sleep, willing to pay for parking and trips and help with medical expenses, willing to sit in silence with me, willing to spend hours in prayer, willing to make difficult decisions, willing to cry, willing to talk and to be silent, willing to listen and read, willing to wait, willing to endure, willing to hope on my behalf, willing to love at great costs......... How could I ever thank people for such amazing gifts of love and support??? I have to find small ways to do so, and walking in the Overnight each year is one of the ways I do so.</li>
</ol>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">For the MANY people that this very incomplete list encompasses, </span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">I walk to say THANK YOU.</span></i></b></div>
DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-91430197931424629392015-04-18T00:27:00.000-05:002015-04-18T00:27:10.745-05:00the walk- a videoThere are reasons I prefer writing over talking (i.e. I have been given a gift for writing, talking, not so much)... nonetheless, I figured I'd switch things up a little and speak about why the <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.home" target="_blank">Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk</a> is so important to me.<br />
<br />
<i>The walk is only a week away, and I am still short of both the minimum required fundraising amount, and far short of my goal. Please consider <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=12535" target="_blank">donating</a>- it is a way to support me personally, and also a practical way that you can have a voice in suicide prevention. Donations go to the <a href="http://www.afsp.org/" target="_blank">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention</a>.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Read more about why the walk, and everything the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is doing is so important and urgent- <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.page&id=1034" target="_blank">Suicide Facts and Figures</a>... like the fact that suicide claims more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/avGz5INgVN0" width="500"></iframe></div>
DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-75303552761045966452015-04-04T07:30:00.001-05:002015-04-04T07:33:25.915-05:00the walk- a voice in the midst of silence<div class="tr_bq">
This is one of the most encouraging things I have read on the internet in as long as I can remember:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>A historic, first-time gathering of leaders from both the evangelical and Catholic communities met on Friday to discuss the importance of churches working together to address critical mental health issues.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>An overflow crowd of more than 3,300 people at Saddleback Church and an online audience for the live webcast witnessed the all-day unifying event, co-hosted by Rick and Kay Warren of Saddleback Church, the Most Rev. Kevin Vann, bishop of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Orange, and the National Alliance on Mental Illness-Orange County.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The Gathering on Mental Health and the Church was designed to encourage individuals living with mental illness, educate family members, and equip church leaders to provide effective and compassionate care to any who face the challenges of mental illness.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>(From Christian Post <a href="http://www.christianpost.com/news/saddleback-church-hosts-historic-gathering-on-mental-health-and-the-church-117071/" target="_blank">article</a>)</i></blockquote>
Why is this such a monumental statement to me? Because the Church has been largely silent- and often very unhelpful when not silent- when it comes to mental illness. The fact that this <a href="http://www.mentalhealthandthechurch.com/" target="_blank">event</a> happened gives me hope.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>It has been incredibly hard in my journey with mental illness to not find much support or help or even hope from the Church. Many of the most hurtful things that I have heard regarding mental illness- said to me directly, or I have read, or overheard- have come from within the Christian community. But far more appalling than that, to me anyway, is the silence from the Church, especially on the larger scale. It seems really obvious to me that God explicitly loves those who are hurting, are struggling, are misunderstood/marginalized, etc. And clearly God is "in the business" of giving hope that won't disappoint to those who have no hope. Those of us living with mental illnesses, especially in times of crisis, definitely fit into multiple of those categories. So where's the Church? Why don't we hear their voices? Why aren't they offering the resources?<br />
<br />
Hear me in this- I'm not saying that no Christians are engaged. Some of my closest friends who have walked through some of my darkest hours with me are fellow believers. And they are able to point to Truth and Hope and offer Community in ways that no one else can. When, though, we are talking about larger scale realities- congregations, organizations, etc. (and in my opinion, the Church as a whole, or at least the American church)- these entities just aren't very present in seeking to come alongside those whose lives are affected by mental illness, aren't offering education and advocacy, aren't trying to provide the support and resources necessary.<br />
<br />
As cliche as it sounds, I think a lot of it boils down to stigma and ignorance regarding mental illness. And I think a lot of it boils down to not knowing and/or not wanting to obey the stuff Christ told us to do. And I think fear is at the core of both those things, and/or they both create fear. (Notice the vicious cycle that is then created...) It makes sense- mental illness is really fucking messy, and confusing, and painful... for those living with the illnesses, those living with mental illness by association, for those offering care and support... for everyone. But just because it makes sense doesn't make it excusable.<br />
<br />
This is getting long-winded, especially since I want to share some of the stuff the Rick and Kay Warren (Saddleback Church, "Purpose Driven Life") have shared in the year since their son died by suicide. I don't mean to do a soapbox rant or whatever. This stuff REALLY matters to me though.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the point of all of this is that part of why I'm walking is because I want to stand up- to show up, to speak up- as one who is following Christ and is not going to shy away from the realities of mental illness. In a lot of ways, I can't- it's part of my daily reality. Maybe I wouldn't be as engaged if it weren't such an intimate part of my story, but I hope I would. <br />
<br />
I want to call Christians- in gentle ways and in very blunt ways- to step up when it comes to the reality of mental illness. I think one of the best ways I can do that is by sharing my story. And one of the other most effective ways I can call others to step up is to show what that looks like in my own life- to invite others into something I am already trying to live out.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<b>* * If you want to support me in the walk, you can donate at <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=12535" target="_blank">my donor page</a>. Donations go to the <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.page&id=1035" target="_blank">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention</a>. If you want to help with the personal costs for the trip (i.e. transportation, food, etc.), contact me and we can figure that out. * *</b></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Okay, enough of my words. Rick and Kay Warren are well-known church leaders. A year ago their 27 year old son died by suicide, and the way they have publicly and vulnerably walked through this tragic experience has given me immense respect for them. A week ago they were part of a team that put together the conference mentioned at the beginning of the post. Below are some quotes from articles that have been written about/with them.</div>
</div>
<br />
From Christianity Today article "<a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2014/march-web-only/kay-warren-grieving-mental-illness-suicide-saddleback.html" target="_blank">A Year of Grieving Dangerously</a>":<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I [Kay] said to Rick, "When we pastor a church, even if I have to stand on the rooftop of that church, I will tell people that we are just like everybody else. We are sinners. We are broken. There are some days I'm not sure God exists. Sometimes I feel like this is a big cosmic joke. We need God to get through every single day." So we made a determination to do that... </i></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<i>The mental health system is just broken in the United States. I can't say that strongly enough. Not that people aren't trying and not that there aren't some really wonderful, compassionate people in the field of mental health. But it is so complicated. And most of the attempts to help don't always help. </i></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<i>The conference that we're doing is a little pebble in the giant lake of mental illness. But the church has a role to play. Christ followers have to be in those conversations, and we have not. And we must. </i></blockquote>
From Christian Post article "<a href="http://www.christianpost.com/news/saddleback-church-hosts-historic-gathering-on-mental-health-and-the-church-117071/" target="_blank">Saddleback Church Hosts Historic Gathering on Mental Health and the Church</a>" :<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"I'm not an authority on mental illness, but I am an authority on living with mental illness," Warren said. He added that he wanted to "pull back the curtain" on his family's own struggles and tell people that it's perfectly fine to say, "I'm not okay, you're not okay, but that's okay because God's okay."</i></blockquote>
From TIME article "<a href="http://time.com/40071/rick-warren-churches-must-do-more-to-address-mental-illness/" target="_blank">Rick Warren: Churches Must Do More to Address Mental Illness</a>":<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>There are hundreds of conferences around the world by health professionals, government officials and NGO’s which address mental illness from medical, social, and policy perspectives, but the Church, with its vast network of volunteers and resources is rarely included in the discussion. What do churches have to offer to the mentally ill and their families in light of the multi-layered, complex set of issues that surround mental illness? The answer is – a lot! There are biblical, historical, and practical reasons that churches must be at the table with this issue.</i></blockquote>
From Orange County Register article, "<i><a href="http://www.ocregister.com/articles/matthew-518609-mental-people.html" target="_blank">Rick Warren Returns to the Pulpit</a>"</i><br />
<blockquote>
<i>Matthew's struggle sensitized me to an enormous body of pain that our culture teaches us to ignore. Mental illness is the last taboo. Sixty million Americans suffer with mental illness and everyone knows someone struggling with it but few are willing to talk about it. There's no stigma if your heart or lungs or kidneys don't work properly, but if your brain gets sick, people feel ashamed. But it's not a sin to be sick. Ten years ago, God called Kay, and then me, to help remove the stigma attached to HIV&AIDS. Now, it looks like we're being called to help remove the stigma for a much bigger disease. 34 million people have HIV&AIDS but 400 million battle mental illness worldwide. </i></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<i>... I've recommitted the rest of my life to battling hopelessness. I think hopelessness is the most widespread epidemic on earth, and I believe the Good News of Jesus is the cure. </i></blockquote>
DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-75258757742212471282015-03-20T20:30:00.001-05:002015-03-20T20:30:23.700-05:00the walk- looking backI said I would post more about why the <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.event&eventID=513" target="_blank">Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk</a> has become such a big part of my life and why I'm doing it again this year. Here is the first follow-up to that...<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>In the most practical sense, I participate in the walk because 2 years ago yesterday my friend celebrated her 36th birthday, the last one she would celebrate on this earth. I had wanted to do the walk for years, but Jen took it upon herself to make this long-standing dream become a reality for me. So for her final birthday, she wrote on her <a href="http://www.livinglegendary.org/2013/03/15/birthday-wishes/" target="_blank">blog</a>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>... for my birthday, I want for someone else to experience the power of being alongside others who “get it.” </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I’ve received many powerful, yet private, responses from my <a href="http://www.livinglegendary.org/?p=448" target="_blank">last post</a>. In my friend’s latest post, <a href="http://dstizzle.blogspot.com/2013/03/out-of-darkness-overnight.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AbidingInSteadfastLove+%28Abiding+in+Steadfast+Love%29" target="_blank">Out of Darkness Overnight</a> she states her desire to participate in a national walk to break the silence and bring issues of depression and suicide into the light. She has registered for the walk and someone has generously donated a plane ticket to get her there. Someone else has donated a hotel room for her stay. Now she has to raise at least $1,000 to participate. </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>What I want for my birthday is for your donation to support my friend. It wasn’t that long ago (1950’s) that the New York Times refused to print an article with the words “breast” or “cancer” in it. A lot has happened in bringing awareness to breast cancer. I want to help with bringing awareness to mental health, depression, and suicide. </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Please, help me CELEBRATE my birthday by donating to help others reach their birthday.</i></blockquote>
It was because of Jen that the plane ticket was donated, that I had hotel rooms to sleep in, and it was primarily the network of people in her life who so deeply respected her that they responded to this "birthday wish" of hers and provided for me to be able to go to the walk. (see <a href="http://dstizzle.blogspot.com/2013/03/why-walk.html#more" target="_blank">Why the Walk?</a>) Seriously, Jen deserves the majority of the credit for me ever getting to do my first walk. And honestly I think it would still just be something I really hoped to do someday if Jen hadn't made it actually happen 2 years ago. So a big part of why I walk is because Jen made it possible for me to do so... both in the most practical of ways, and her friendship and the way she lived her life play a significant part in my story still going today. I miss Jen deeply; yesterday was a poignant reminder of that. <br />
<br />
Every year at the walk I think about how proud she would be of me because she knew the fight I was/am in to get there. But I think that each year that I walk it is a way for me to honor the countless ways that she impacted my life. <b>I am walking in my 3rd walk this year because Jen made it possible for me to walk in my first walk 2 years ago.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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I still have to raise over $500 more to participate in the walk just over a month away. If you can <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/participant/dstizzle" target="_blank">help me get there</a>, I would appreciate it deeply.DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-12376500430364102922015-02-20T22:05:00.000-06:002015-02-20T22:05:01.551-06:002015 Out of the Darkness OvernightThe Out of the Darkness <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/" target="_blank">Overnight Walk</a> is rapidly approaching again- only 2 months away. I will try to write more about why this walk matters so much to me in the near future, but for now you can watch this video and see why it matters to a whole lot of people.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>If you are able to support me in this, you can do so by clicking on the thermometer thing to the right which will bring you to <a href="http://theovernight.donordrive.com/participant/dstizzle" target="_blank">my fundraising page</a>. Each walker raises a minimum of $1000 which goes to the <a href="http://www.afsp.org/" target="_blank">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention</a>. I feel pretty shameless in trying to raise these funds because I believe so whole-heartedly in what the money is used for. So please, help if you can.<br />
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If you want to know more about the importance of the Overnight to me, you can read <a href="http://dstizzle.blogspot.com/search/label/Out%20of%20the%20Darkness%20%28AFSP%29" target="_blank">Out of the Darkness posts</a> from the last couple years.DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-12059532016728280272015-01-14T14:37:00.001-06:002015-01-14T14:37:30.971-06:00"It's like a dirty little secret..."This is a recent blog post from a local news site in the Twin Cities. I have been debating for days about whether or not to put a link to it up here... On the one hand I think it raises awareness and is something worth reading, especially for those of us in the Twin Cities. On the other hand, it can be a triggering article to read.<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>So, PLEASE, use discretion in deciding whether or not to read it. If you are experiencing suicidal ideations, some of the content in the linked article may be triggering.</i></span><br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>One of the things I appreciate most in this article is how they incorporated people's stories, data, and views from opposing sides. It is specifically about suicide at the Mall of America, but is addressing the reality of suicide on a wider level, as well. Below is a link to the article, and a couple notable parts from my perspective.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2015/01/the_tragic_phenomenon_of_suicide_at_the_mall_of_america.php" target="_blank">City Pages blog post</a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The increase of suicides at the Mall of America mirrors state and nationwide trends. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Minnesota's numbers have been steadily rising to just under 700 in 2011, the latest year for which data is available. It's the second leading cause of death among young adults in the United States after "unintentional injury." </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
No one can pinpoint why. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Mental illness is hard to diagnose and hard to treat, and talking about suicide is an age-old taboo. Yet that attitude is slowly changing.</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"The Mall of America has done a really good job of hiding all the suicides," she says. "Bloomington police all know. It's like a dirty little secret they want to sweep under the rug."</blockquote>
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Here's one thing I know- hiding and avoiding the reality of suicide has fatal consequences. This is why, in the end, I felt compelled to refer you to this article.DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-77005492478387321502014-12-22T17:33:00.001-06:002014-12-22T17:33:25.942-06:00"God with us and for us and in us and holding us"<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>"Emmanuel -- God with us. God with us and for us and in us and holding us and this is the Christmas miracle that outlasts all of time." </i></b></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>- Ann Voskamp</i></b></blockquote>
<a name='more'></a>This is part of the post <a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/12/gift-guide-for-the-overwhelmed-and-broken-hearts-this-christmas/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aholyexperience.com%2F2014%2F12%2Fgift-guide-for-the-overwhelmed-and-broken-hearts-this-christmas%2F&utm_content&utm_campaign=A+Holy+Experience+Blog+Posts" target="_blank">A Sorta Gift Guide for the Overwhelmed & Broken Hearted This Christmas</a> from the blog <a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/" target="_blank">A Holy Experience</a>, which I enthusiastically recommend. But if you only have a couple minutes, here's a snippet...<br />
<blockquote>
<i>Can all the hurting hearts believe that He withholds no good thing from us? (Ps. 84:11) Don't you have to believe that first -- before you open up your tender heart? </i></blockquote>
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<i>The children's choir singing O Come, O Come Emmanuel and our Hope-girl, she's smiling at me from the back row. </i></blockquote>
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<i>How many people standing here in this church are trying to stand through cancer and divorce and debt and the sharp edge of life that's cutting their heart right open and they're singing through this Christmas but they're really bleeding quiet? We sing it like a plea: "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" </i></blockquote>
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<i>Emmanuel -- God with us. God with us and for us and in us and holding us and this is the Christmas miracle that outlasts all of time. </i></blockquote>
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<i>He withholds no good thing from us. </i></blockquote>
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<i>The church is filling with song of children and old men and broken hearts and my back's to the wall and wind of the world can't get into this place. I can see it from where I'm standing, there's a star on the back wall of the chancel, right at the very top. They are hitting the chorus now: </i></blockquote>
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<i>"Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel". </i></blockquote>
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<i>We're all here and hurting and singing and I think: Wise men follow more than a star -- they follow the God of the scars. Who heals our scars. </i></blockquote>
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<i>The God who knows: Evidence of God's existence is cold comfort. What warms us is the wounded, weeping God who doesn’t write answers in stars --- but writes His ardent love in our scars. </i></blockquote>
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<i>With His scars. </i></blockquote>
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<i>The God who enfolds us close: We get our Christmas miracle. We get God with us.<br />He withholds no good thing from us. </i></blockquote>
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<i>And the good things in life are not so much health but holiness, not so much the riches of this world but relationship with God, not so much our plans but His presence --<br />and He withholds no good thing from us because the greatest things aren't ever things. </i></blockquote>
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<i>He doesn't withhold Jesus from us. </i></blockquote>
DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5566431823646254216.post-20849618298629721412014-11-26T17:43:00.000-06:002014-11-26T17:43:43.915-06:00reasons to celebrate<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Now let me tell you about some of the accomplishments I’m most proud of today: getting out of bed. Eating lunch. Telling a friend how I feel about something. Letting someone help me. Accepting a compliment. </i></blockquote>
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<i>Are you confused? Those may seem like little things to you, like odd things to be proud of. But the truth is this: Sometimes the little things are big things. </i></blockquote>
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<a name='more'></a><i>You might not think that the “little” things in your life are a big deal. But if you are depressed and you got out of bed today: Congratulations! If you have a hard time reaching out and you talked to someone today: Congratulations! If you struggle with self-injury but made a different choice today: Congratulations! If you made a choice of self-care today: Congratulations! </i></blockquote>
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<i>If you are alive today: Congratulations! </i></blockquote>
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<i>You do not need to wait for a major milestone in your life to take pride in what you’ve accomplished. Celebrate those seemingly small victories as the big victories they truly are. It’s all too easy to get weighed down by the burdens we carry and the pain in our hearts. It’s all too easy to think we have nothing to celebrate. It’s all too easy to think that you are worthless, that you don’t do anything right – but you do. </i></blockquote>
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- Excerpts from TWLOHA blog post: <a href="http://twloha.com/blog/congratulations" target="_blank">Congratulations</a> by Brit Barkholtz</blockquote>
These were some words that breathed life into me last week. I have been going through the process of applying for SSD benefits, and it has really taken a toll on me. Despite being advised to do this for at least a couple years now, pride and shame prevented me from actually moving forward. A whole slew of reasons made me think that I shouldn't be allowed to receive these benefits- I'm only 30, I'm a capable being and <i>should</i> be able to work just like anyone else, I have skills and gifts and a strong work ethic that make me good at the things I do, I should be able to push through/suck it up/whatever you want to call it... ultimately I think there is this part of me that thinks I should be superhuman, as if I'm invincible or something. History has shown otherwise. Mental illnesses have incredible capacity to tear down my life, <i>especially</i> when I refuse to acknowledge and accept the limitations that they bring into my life. I've never been one to succumb to limitations, which throughout my life has lead at times to humiliation and has even been detrimental to myself and others. And, it has also led to overcoming great obstacles and achieving things that were supposedly out of my reach. Perseverance is one of my greatest strengths... stubbornness is <strike>probably</strike> one of my greatest weaknesses.<br />
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This is no less true in living with mental illnesses, as well as alcoholism. One of my therapists told me that in light of all I have gone through, my refusal to submit or surrender to difficulties- even ones that are "impossibly insurmountable"- is quite possibly the only reason I am still alive... and that this same quality (which they then used the term "stubborn") has probably added unnecessary quandaries and may possibly lead to the end of my life. There is probably a lot of truth in all of that.<br />
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Since I have a strong tendency to see things that are about me as pretty black and white (one might say I am a person of extremes...), this disability application process has left me feeling pretty incapable, useless, worthless, etc. Seeing "disability" and "limitations" and "illness" and other such words with my name countless times over the past weeks, and having to go into detail about all the ways I am unable to function as a "normal person" has made it difficult to remember that these aren't the things that define who I am. They are real, and I need to acknowledge them as such, and accept the help that is available to me... but I am more than what I can't do.<br />
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The blog I quoted above gives some really practical advice:<br />
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Take a couple of minutes and jot down a few things you’re proud of yourself for accomplishing recently. They can be as “little” or as “big” as you like. Just remember: All of these things are big. </blockquote>
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If this is your first time thinking about your progress this way, you may still not feel very proud of yourself for your accomplishments. Often, when we get stuck in these patterns of self-hate, it’s difficult to see things as accomplishments even when they are pointed out to us. It might be helpful to ask a friend or family member to help you think of the first few things. Even then, you may not fully believe them. That’s OK. I still sometimes struggle to believe the things on my own list. </blockquote>
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But write them down anyway.</blockquote>
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Repeat this pattern as you go about your days, recognizing even the smallest steps you’ve taken, acknowledging them, and congratulating yourself for taking them. Turn it into a habit: recognize, acknowledge, congratulate. It will not only help you feel better about yourself on a day-to-day basis, but then you will also have that list for the bad days. On the days when nothing about you feels right or when you’re feeling worthless or hopeless, you will have that list as a reminder of all the things you’ve done. </blockquote>
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You’ve already done so much. And you will continue to do so much more. </blockquote>
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You are here. You are living and breathing and facing each day. You are alive. </blockquote>
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You are you - and that is enough. </blockquote>
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Congratulations. </blockquote>
DStizzlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007940529442699254noreply@blogger.com0