taking the steps

In twelve step work, steps 1-3 lay the essential foundation, and steps 4-9 are kind of the "meat" of it all.  These steps guide you through a process beginning with taking "a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"; then lead you into a time of, essentially, confession- to yourself, God and another human being; then into a willingness and eventual surrender of all our "defects of character," asking God to heal us and mold us into His image.  And then we identify everyone we have wronged, prepare to "make amends" to them, and then go do it.  This is definitely one of the most intense processes I have ever gone through (I'm still going through it), AND I can't put words to the healing and freedom that have come as a direct result of this process.

Tonight I had the opportunity to "do a step 9" with a couple that I love deeply.  I have wanted to do it for well over a year, and yet knew I needed to wait.  Waiting was so hard because the ways I wronged them created a severe rift in our relationship, and I knew that, and I wanted to fix it.  Which is probably why I needed to wait.  I needed to come to a place where I completely surrendered our relationship to the Lord, and would be content regardless of their response to my sincere remorse.  It took a long time for me to get to that place, and it was a painful journey to surrender.  But tonight I was able to own my sin, acknowledge the ways that I know I hurt them as well as the ways I am unaware of, ask for their forgiveness, and express the deep love I have for them and incredible gratitude I have to God for graciously placing them in my life.  And in the silence that followed, I realized why I had needed to wait to do this... I was finally at a point where I didn't need anything after that.  I wasn't looking for a response from them.  I just needed them to know that.

After a time of silence, they each, separately, drew my eyes to theirs, called me by name, and said, "I forgive you."  And then they walked over to me and together enveloped me in their arms.  It was a moment of inexplicable healing for me.

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This isn't the point of why I'm writing, but I want to just give two words of advice:

1. Be quick to repent- first before God (who you sinned against), and then with the people you have wronged.
2. When people come to you sincerely asking for your forgiveness, don't brush it off or act like it wasn't a big deal.  If it was a big enough deal that they are coming to you, acknowledge it as such.  And if you are able to forgive them, simply tell them.

We- myself included- need to get a lot better at this, especially as Christians.