Hope

For the first time in two years, I have hope. Hope that the Lord will restore joy to my heart. Hope that He will use my struggles to reach out and minister to others in the midst of similar struggles. Hope that He will empower me to live a life of faithfulness to Him. The last few weeks have been crazy intense, but God has been unbelievably faithful to me. A mentor of mine says essentially that hope can't be taught, it has to be caught. I couldn't agree more. For the last two years I have done so much to try to learn to be hopeful. But two weeks ago a doctor had hope for me that I could rise above my mental illness and be happy again. His hope was contagious for me. My life has changed dramatically since our encounter. I have acknowledged issues in my life that I have apparently been ignoring or denying for years. And I am now determined to do whatever it takes to address these issues and move forward into a healthier and fuller life. If you would have asked me at other points during the last two years if I'd ever get to this point I would have laughed in your face. But through God's gentle patience with me, I have finally come to realize that He can restore the years the locusts have stolen. He IS good. So good. So patient. So faithful. One would think I'd have more to say in light of the last few weeks, but I don't know what else to say. He is just flat out so good and faithful. And I am unbelievably grateful that that is who He is.