Read the Word

I have done a ton of thinking lately... Some good, some not as good. I have found myself spiraling down towards depression again, which thankfully I am able to recognize now, but that doesn't always make it easier to stop myself from going down that road. I have been getting discouraged quickly and losing sight of Truth. And I have kept it all penned inside in fear of disappointing my friends and family who are so excited about the progress I've made in terms of mental health. But a few nights ago I feel like I was really convicted about my thinking and especially about not being grounded in Truth.

I have a number of friends whose faith seems to come really easily and/or naturally. This is not the case for me. My pursuit of God requires incredible intentionality and hard work. And when I am intentional and really striving to become more like Christ, it is amazing. Not that life becomes easier or less complex, but I can do life because I am not trying to do it on my own. But, probably in large part because of my mental illness, as soon as I stop pursuing God (not because of a conscious choice, more just because of laziness or bad priorities), depression is immediately where I go. Some people seem to have some kind of middle ground, where although it obviously isn't good when they slack spiritually, it isn't immediately detrimental.

So since my surgery I haven't read the Bible. BSF was super helpful for me this past year because it laid out daily study of the Word. But BSF ended the same week as my surgery and without excuse I have completely neglected the Word. I'm not running from it or God or anything like that, I just haven't done it. And now I realize how much it affects me. Without constant exposure to the Word, we have no right, true perspective on life, emotions, thoughts, relationships, time, etc. And I head straight towards depression and despair. I NEED the Word to teach me how to think, feel, live. And I need it every day.

I feel like I am babbling, but I have just become unbelievably convicted of the danger of not being in the Word daily, and the amazing benefit of being in the Word daily.