Sarah laughed

The LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, ’Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son."  (Genesis 18:13-14)

I can relate to Sarah a lot in this passage.  God had made some crazy promises to Abraham, and seemed to be in no hurry to fulfill them.  Abraham and Sarah tried to "help" the Lord out, but rather than showing His gratitude, He patiently reiterated to them that He would make good on His promises, but they had to trust Him to do it His way, in His time.  So the Lord shows up at Abraham’s tent with a couple of angels to assert His promise to Abraham yet again.  Sarah is eavesdropping as the men talk, and hears the Lord say that she would have a kid in a year.  "Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah."  (Genesis 18:11) So Sarah laughs.  And I can see why...

I have record upon record upon record of God’s faithfulness, countless documented promises kept by God.  And not just in books, but in the lives of friends and family, and in my own life.  And yet I find myself laughing when God reminds me of His crazy promises.  I usually don’t laugh when He first tells me- it sounds exciting at first, and to hear His voice and know that He is so near... I don’t even care of He keeps His promise in those moments, because it is sufficient that He would be close enough to whisper to me.  But then time passes, and I grow weary in my faith as I wait... expectancy begins to give way to disappointment, confidence begins to give way to fear, certainty begins to give way to questioning and confusion...  until I literally fall on my knees begging God for the faith to keep trusting and to keep walking (those "God, I believe- help my unbelief" moments).  And He patiently reminds me of His promises.  Last week I found myself saying to God, "Yeah, You’ve provided in ridiculous ways just in the last few months, but are You sure You can maintain this month after month??  I mean I've crunched the numbers, and it doesn't look good..."  Laughter.  His response: "Dawn, is anything too hard for me?"

What is eventually said of Sarah?  "By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised." (Hebrews 11:11)

One thing I am seeking above all else- that God would give me more faith.  Not for the sake of receiving the promises with less anxiety in the waiting, but because more faith comes from knowing the Promiser more intimately.  I long for Him to be my sole desire and satisfaction.  The promises and their fulfillment are huge, but they are second things.  He is my first thing, or at least I want Him to be my first thing.