For the past 2 weeks I have been struck (thanks to an incredibly wise woman) by a reality of Christ's experience that I have largely overlooked in the past. In these last days and hours of Jesus' life on earth, He deeply longed for His disciples- His friends- to understand and support Him in the journey of suffering leading to the cross, which HAD to precede the ascension and glorious reign that they were waiting for. Instead, Jesus experienced (on top of the unimaginable physical suffering) agonizing loneliness so beyond anything that we will ever experience. He wasn't only alone, but he was also rejected, abandoned, betrayed.
He has the Passover meal with His disciples and this intimate time of, in a sense, saying goodbye to them and giving them a heads up on what's about to go down. He tells them they are going to "fall away because of me this night." (Matthew 26:31) The Holy Spirit makes Jesus fully aware that his closest friends are about to bail. And Jesus specifically lets Peter, who is in His innermost circle, know that he will go so far as to deny even knowing Jesus at all. (Luke 22:31-34) After the time around the meal, Jesus brings the disciples to a familiar garden that they might pray and He might go pray alone. While Christ is praying- in such intense anguish that "His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground," pressing with the Father for another way to fulfill this mission yet resubmitting Himself to the Father's will, the plan they have had for all eternity- His disciples fall asleep, 3 times. (Luke 22:39-46) His captors come, led by one of Jesus' very own disciples (whom He calls "friend"- Matthew 26:50). When they arrest Jesus, the other 11 disciples bolt, like Jesus had told them they would do. (Matthew 26:56) Apparently only 2 of them come out of hiding, Peter and John, while their friend, their Savior, their God is tortured and crucified. Peter blatantly betrays Jesus, like Jesus had told him he would, by denying even knowing Christ 3 times publicly. (Matthew 26:69-75) And the third time, it appears that Jesus maybe even heard it, as Luke 22:60-61 says that as the third denial happens the rooster crows, "And the Lord turned and looked at Peter."
As Jesus walked into and through the end of His life/mission on earth- one of incomparable and unimaginable pain and sorrow and loneliness... experiences that we will never be able to imagine even in part... HE WALKED AND DIED ALONE. EVERY SINGLE PERSON- EVEN HIS MOST INTIMATE FRIENDS, AND EVENTUALLY EVEN GOD THE FATHER- EVERYONE LEAVES HIM. HE IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ALONE- NOW OF ALL TIMES. And the inescapable reality is that I would have left Him, too. That is really hard to swallow.
Why did He endure this? So that I never have to know loneliness that is anything like this. Even in my darkest, most isolated experiences, I will never know what it is to be isolated from God the Father. His presence is with me as I walk through this temporal world, and His presence is what satisfies the perfect Judge and grants me eternal enjoyment of that very presence. BECAUSE Jesus took that separation from God the Father on Himself for me.
Mind blown. Heart overwhelmed with gratitude.
Past Good Friday reflections:
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