repentance AND rest

As much as I want to live in constant, daily intentional awareness of the truths we celebrate each year during Holy Week, I usually fall pretty pathetically short.  I wish I didn't need a specific week to remember and meditate on the reality of the life, death and resurrection of Christ.  But I do.  So I try to set aside time to really soak in the reality of the meaning of this week each year.  I usually do so by spending a couple days in solitude, and God always speaks to me powerfully when I am able to quiet myself to the craziness that is all around me and in me.  This year has been no different.

As I sat in my little hermitage on Thursday night, I was overcome with conviction.  I was grieved to the point of tears over my continual sin.  I was reading from "Valley of Vision" and praying "The Convicting Spirit" prayer:

Thou Blessed Spirit, Author of all grace and comfort,
Come, work repentance in my soul;
Represent sin to me in its odious colours that I may hate it;
Melt my heart by the majesty and mercy of God;
Show me my ruined self and the help there is in him;
Teach me to behold my creator.
His ability to save,
His arms outstretched,
His heart big for me.
May I confide in His power and love,
commit my soul to Him without reserve,
bear His image, observe His laws, pursue His service,
and be through time and eternity
a monument to the efficacy of His grace,
a trophy of His victory.
Make me willing to be saved in His way,
perceiving nothing in myself, but all in Jesus:
Help me not only to receive Him but
to walk in Him,
depend on Him,
commune with Him,
be conformed to Him,
follow Him,
imperfect, but still pressing forward,
not complaining of labour, but valuing rest,
not murmuring under trials, but thankful for my state.
Give me that faith which is the means of salvation,
and the principle and medium of all godliness;
May I be saved by grace through faith,
live by faith,
feel the joy of faith,
do the work of faith.
Perceiving nothing in myself, may I find in Christ
wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, redemption.

As I kept praying through this, I experienced God taking me beyond grieving and repentance.  The Spirit highlighted these words to me, "Show me my ruined self and the help there is in him..."  Isaiah 30:15 came to mind: For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, "In returning [repentance] and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."  God ministered to my soul that night, reminding me that repentance is not the end- salvation is the end.  Repentance is required, but it needs to lead to rest- to quietness and trust- for salvation comes by the amazing reality that God the Father sent God the Son to walk in perfect righteousness on this earth, innocently die the death that abhorrent sin required, and rise from the dead in glorious splendor as a victor over sin and death.  My salvation comes from the Holy Spirit opening my eyes to see this amazing truth and receive it by faith.  One of my most treasured verses brought deep peace to my soul and led me into a refreshing night of sleep... 

Psalm 116:7- Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.