Being used by God

In light of my last post, I want to continue into the result of complete abandon to the simplicity of the Gospel. I want to boldly say again that our life is to be about pursuing Christ who is everything. The moment anything else becomes our ultimate goal, we have gotten off track. I need to be reminded of this daily. I often say that the only reason I keep living is because of the hope that my life might be used to reveal the life-changing love of God to people that deeply need it. Without a doubt, I continue to passionately desire that. But I was reminded last weekend that if my focus is on that, I'm not going to be able to actually do it. The only way to be used by God is to long desperately for God, and faithfully and obediently follow Him in every moment. When I get wrapped up in "being used by God," my focus is on myself and others, but, deceivingly, my focus is not on God. When this is the case, yes, I am speaking Truth and proclaiming the Gospel. But my life isn't really doing the same. The Gospel isn't, in the end, something to talk about or be intellectually swayed to. At it's core, it is an all-encompassing transformation caused by the experience of the steadfast love of God. When everything I am is being given to the pursuit of this living God, my entire life overflows with His reality. I don't really like the quote, "Preach the Gospel. Use words when necessary." I get the thought behind it, and get that too often our lives don't match up to what we preach. But I don't think that means we should talk less, I think it means our lives should talk more. Like I said of my friend the other day, other people should know that we have been with Jesus, no matter what we do or don't say. "Actions speak louder than words." Again, words are powerful, and it is (I think) essential to evangelism that we actually speak Truth. But our words need to be an extension of our lives. Maybe I'm kinda getting sidetracked from the point......... What I'm trying to get at is that the way we will be used by God is to put aside the desire to be used by Him, in order that we might put all our desire towards Him. When we do this, the irony is that we WILL be used by Him, because our lives will be completely surrendered to Him. Last weekend I had two situations that really opened my eyes to all this, and proved it to me. In both situations, I felt very strongly that God was asking me to do a particular thing. In my mind, I figured out what the logical result of my obedience would be, but surprisingly felt little attachment to such "results." Instead, I put all my effort into obeying, completely satisfied that no matter what the result, my obedience was the point (for me, anyway). The effects of my obedience in anyone else's life are unknown to me. But the effects of my obedience in my life were profound. The point? In these two situations I was available to be used by God because I wasn't really focused on how He'd use me, I was just focused on Him. I think I'm not very good at saying what I'm trying to say, so I know there are probably flaws in the line of reasoning I have laid out here. And I probably used a lot more words than necessary! (I often have that problem.) But I also think I'm on to something pretty big with this. It has been an incredibly freeing "revelation" for me, and another big way God is wooing me to Himself. I just have to go after Him, that's all I have to worry about. Once again, it's pretty simple.