Glimpses of healing/restoration

I've been noticing some kinda random things lately that have encouraged me because they are pieces of me that haven't been too evident for the last few years. Obviously I want to be, and am, striving to be a "better" person from my experiences these last few years. But I think there are things that used to be a big part of me, stuff that I want to be a part of me, that are returning and I think it's a gift of God.

1. I'm funny. Not by any legitimate standards (don't worry, I don't expect anyone else to think I am or ever was funny). But I think I'm funny. There have been times these last weeks where I'm by myself saying or doing things that really amuse me. I get to laugh at myself with myself! This all may sound ridiculous, but this was the first thing I noticed as a significant glimpse of my old self.
2. I have fun and enjoy things. I am starting to be interested in stuff that really hasn't mattered to me in a long time.
3. I have energy. Granted, this is in large part dependent on medication, but it's still pretty exciting for me when I realize that I made it 12 hours without a nap.
4. I read. It's been a long time since I've been able to focus and stay awake enough to read.
5. My music has diversified. I have basically listened to the same like 50 songs for the last few years. I love music, so thinking back on that, I'm not sure how I didn't get sick of those 50 songs. But regardless, I'm listening to far more music.
6. I'm writing. It's been quite some time since I've felt like I had something to write about, let alone the energy to write. I've journaled and whatnot throughout everything, but it was different. Now I sit down to write and pages just flow out of me.

What all of that boils down to is that living is getting easier. Life is a very intentional, difficult choice to make for me. Like I've said, I still don't want to live. The basic act of living is a really hard thing. But I have days here and there now where I feel like I didn't have to try quite as hard to stay alive. The stuff I listed isn't by any means constant or even dominant, but the moments that I get to experience these things, it's like I'm choosing to live without having to try so hard. I don't know if this makes sense if you have never desired death over life. Most people probably don't ever even have to consciously decide to live. But so much of my life has been this intense effort to keep deciding to live through the day, or even just through the moment. So sporadic times of just getting to live are pretty huge.