On Saturday I got to spend 12 hours with one of the most important people in my life- Richard.  For those of you somehow don't know about Richard, let me briefly bring you up to speed...  I lived in Denver the summer of 2005.  While there, through very "divine appointments," I connected with a 14-year-old boy.  Very quickly, I felt this incredible connection to him and he became my little brother.  I returned to Wheaton for my senior year and he and I stayed in touch.  I went down and spent Thanksgiving with him and his family that fall.  Then his already really tough life pretty much fell apart.  We continued to stay in touch, but it became harder and harder.  I last received a letter from him 2 or 3 years ago.  Then about 2 months ago, I received a phone call from him...

Needless to say, being 19 now, Richard has grown up a lot.  He was dealt a pretty shitty hand from the start and has gone through so much his whole life, and he's still going to have a rough road ahead of him as he tries to become who God has made him to be... but he's growing up, and there's not much more I could hope for.  Progress- this is what we strive for each day, right?  Keep going in the right direction.  Sometimes we deviate or stop or even turn around, but in the grand scheme of things, we just try to keep moving forward.  That is my hope for Richard, and it's my hope for myself.

All day I kept thinking about how amazing it was to be with him.  Countless letters have been written, tears have been dropped, prayers have been prayed over these last few years... hoping for Richard, trying to not lose hope, and sometimes just flat out wondering if hope was futile...

Times when I had lost all hope for my own life, I continued to cling to hope for Richard.  I know who he is at his core, even though he has a hard time seeing it, and others definitely struggle to see it- I know the potential impact his life can have on countless others; I know the way others, myself being one example, are just drawn to him; I know how kind and sensitive he is, and how much he cares about people; I know he is incredibly smart, both books and street; and I know the passionate, unfailing love God has for him.  I have often lost sight of those things for myself, but they have remained crystal clear about Richard.

Saturday was an opportunity to see him, and show him that I see him, for who he really is.  His rap sheet doesn't scare me or disappoint me- it's part of his life, but it isn't who he is.  I think a huge part of why God put me in Richard's life is to be a voice that reminds, and sometimes even teaches, Richard who God created him to be.  And to tell him and show him what God sees when He looks at Richard.  I can think of no greater honor.

But Saturday was also an opportunity to "look in the mirror."  I had him listen to one of my favorite songs- "Picket Fence" by Brother Ali.  I was living in Denver when I first heard the song, so all along it has spoken to me but also always made me think of Richard.  Look up the lyrics- they're good.  

"You look the way you do because you're special

Not the short bus way, I mean that God's gonna test you
And all of this pain is training for the day when you
will have to lead with the gift God gave to you
Grown folks don't see it but the babies do
And there's a chance that you can save a few"
And time will prove that, she started my movement
She didn't tell me to take it - she told me to use it.

As we talked about this song and I told him why I have wanted him to hear it for a long time, I was forced to see that I can't tell him one thing and then believe/live another.  Everything I see in Richard, everything I hope for Richard, everything I know of God's love for Richard--- I have to see it for me too.  I think a huge part of why God put Richard in my life is to be a voice that reminds, and sometimes even teaches, me who God created me to be.  And to tell me and show me what God sees when He looks at me.

Not many things get to me more than when I read/hear "I love you big sis" from Richard.  Because my love for him is so deep, but also because his love for me is so deep.  I have always longed to be used in Richard's life... today I am just thankful for how he's being used in my life.  

I love you little bro- nothing will change that.