I've been doing a lot of thinking about existence and life- existence in the terms of breathing and blood flow and physical functioning, life in the terms of what Christ offers. Existence is necessary to life (I'm talking about on earth or whatever, please don't correct me on the immortality of our souls and all that, I'm not talking about that stuff right now), but life doesn't naturally follow existence. I'd be willing to bet that the majority of people simply exist and never really live. Jesus said in John 10:10, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." [Now I haven't done much study into this verse, so I won't say much about it beyond my initial ponderings.] If He came to give us life, it seems to imply that there is a need for life prior to His giving of it. Which is why I'm saying that there is a fundamental difference between life and existence- while both can be simultaneously true, they need not be.
The reason this is so heavy on my mind is in regards to suicide. The #1 predictor of suicide= previous suicide attempts. Ironically and tragically, there are very few resources out there for those who have tried to kill themselves and are still alive. **If you know of any such resources, PLEASE let me know. This is an issue I am trying to address and want to know of anything out there I might be missing.** The act of suicide is purely addressing existence, it is an attempt to stop the body's necessary functions. Obviously the act comes about because of issues far deeper and more complex, but the actual act is physical. So when someone tries to move from existence to extinction, but is unable to do so... what next?
For me personally, apparently existence is mandatory- I've tried to change this and it hasn't worked. So I have been left with a dilemma: if I don't want to exist, but I have to- how do I even begin moving toward a place where I am okay with existing????
The ONLY answer I have found is to receive, embrace, and live life. The path that lead me there--- hope. Now I believe hope is unbelievably powerful even when not used in relation to Christ. BUT, the ONLY source of hope that will not ever disappoint is Christ. What I'm saying is that the only solution to my hatred towards existence is the hope of the life found in Christ. Without life, I cannot bare existence. But with life, existence becomes less of the focus, because I have moved on to greater things- life.
Existence is still a daily struggle for me, so I'm not saying that it has become a non-issue. But I'm willing to engage in the daily struggle because Christ has given me the hope that enables me to live.
If this didn't make sense, sorry :) I tried to condense this huge thing I've been thinking, reading, writing, praying, talking and just digesting a lot lately, so I don't know how well I pieced it together. But it felt good to write, and I'm interested in any thoughts others may have about this stuff, so I'm going to bed.
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