So when I first dove into this whole naked/unashamed deal a few weeks ago, it was exciting. I realized that I was created to be in a relationship with God where I was enveloped in who He is, so much so that I wasn't even really thinking about me. This has given me a really practical idea of what to strive for, especially as I am working through shame in my own life.
And I was really pumped because the life I was created to live was one of freedom. Sin stole my freedom and Christ came and bought it back. Freedom is one of those words that just sounds amazing. Anything we struggle with- externally or internally- we hope, fight, pray, long for freedom from. Freedom always seems to be the ideal, and we claim we want it.
I feel like it's pretty clear from the Bible and from history that we actually have a really hard time with freedom. Of course, I've always been able to see this clearly from an analytical perspective; not so perceptive when it comes to my own life. (This is a theme with me...) Take mental health for example- I was, and continue to be, terrified of not being depressed. I know depression. I hate it, but I know it and I'm used to it. Being "okay" is not familiar territory, and it is really scary. So I've prayed for years and years to be "free" from depression, and my prayers were sincere, and there was also part of me that wasn't so sure that I wanted to be free. And then throw into the mix what freedom really is... heavily medicated folks with mental illnesses often stop taking their meds. There isn't a simple explanation to this, but part of it is that all these meds we take to "stabilize" us and essentially make us more "normal"... we don't feel as much like ourselves anymore. I think Russell Crowe depicts this well in "A Beautiful Mind." Towards the end of the movie He (John Nash- a genius who also has paranoid schizophrenia) is shown stashing his meds so that he can think more clearly and creatively again. And you watch this struggle going on inside of him- which realities are actually real, who is right, what does it even mean to be "healthy" and is it desirable? In the midst of all this wrestling he is talking to his wife, Alicia, about his hallucinations and says, "And then, on the way home, Charles was there again. Sometimes I miss talking to him. Maybe Rosen is right. Maybe I have to think about going back to the hospital." I don't have hallucinations, but I relate deeply- sometimes I miss the things I thought and experienced when I was in the worst of it, and I don't know if that's okay or not. But Alicia's response is powerful for me. She simply says, "Maybe try again tomorrow."
You are probably wondering how this all relates. (I kinda am too, actually.) I think this is the connection though- freedom is our ideal, AND freedom is so foreign that it scares the shit out of us. Why? I think for two reasons especially- 1) we like to stick to what we know, or at least always have that convenient option of returning to what we know, and 2) we don't know what freedom truly is.
... to be continued...
And I was really pumped because the life I was created to live was one of freedom. Sin stole my freedom and Christ came and bought it back. Freedom is one of those words that just sounds amazing. Anything we struggle with- externally or internally- we hope, fight, pray, long for freedom from. Freedom always seems to be the ideal, and we claim we want it.
I feel like it's pretty clear from the Bible and from history that we actually have a really hard time with freedom. Of course, I've always been able to see this clearly from an analytical perspective; not so perceptive when it comes to my own life. (This is a theme with me...) Take mental health for example- I was, and continue to be, terrified of not being depressed. I know depression. I hate it, but I know it and I'm used to it. Being "okay" is not familiar territory, and it is really scary. So I've prayed for years and years to be "free" from depression, and my prayers were sincere, and there was also part of me that wasn't so sure that I wanted to be free. And then throw into the mix what freedom really is... heavily medicated folks with mental illnesses often stop taking their meds. There isn't a simple explanation to this, but part of it is that all these meds we take to "stabilize" us and essentially make us more "normal"... we don't feel as much like ourselves anymore. I think Russell Crowe depicts this well in "A Beautiful Mind." Towards the end of the movie He (John Nash- a genius who also has paranoid schizophrenia) is shown stashing his meds so that he can think more clearly and creatively again. And you watch this struggle going on inside of him- which realities are actually real, who is right, what does it even mean to be "healthy" and is it desirable? In the midst of all this wrestling he is talking to his wife, Alicia, about his hallucinations and says, "And then, on the way home, Charles was there again. Sometimes I miss talking to him. Maybe Rosen is right. Maybe I have to think about going back to the hospital." I don't have hallucinations, but I relate deeply- sometimes I miss the things I thought and experienced when I was in the worst of it, and I don't know if that's okay or not. But Alicia's response is powerful for me. She simply says, "Maybe try again tomorrow."
You are probably wondering how this all relates. (I kinda am too, actually.) I think this is the connection though- freedom is our ideal, AND freedom is so foreign that it scares the shit out of us. Why? I think for two reasons especially- 1) we like to stick to what we know, or at least always have that convenient option of returning to what we know, and 2) we don't know what freedom truly is.
... to be continued...
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