(in)adequacy

Last weekend a good friend was in town, and in the midst of many hours of conversation over the 5 days of her visit, she said something that I have been mulling over ever since.  She expressed her concern that I am so focussed on all that I can't do and/or all that I fail to do- and so unaware of what I AM doing- that it will only be a matter of time until I find myself back in the same spot I was 2 years ago... which is a very legitimate concern.

So I've been going back and forth in my mind about if my presence in these kids' and families' lives is a positive or negative thing; if I am able to meet any of the needs in their lives; if the "successes" are outweighing the "failures"... and so on and so forth.

Today, though, I was able to be quiet and still enough to hear the voice of God.  He was tender and corrective.  "You ARE inadequate!  But that isn't the point.  Stop trying to decide if you are or aren't, it doesn't matter.  I'm not asking you to achieve what is possible for any human.  I'm asking you to be obedient and follow my lead in simple things in order to affect something so much bigger than what you are seeing, hearing, feeling... I am changing things in an eternal way, both in you and through you.  Your availability is more important than your adequacy."

I've been studying 2 Corinthians off and on for the last year, and was recently drawn back to 4:16-18...

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

What I perceive to be reality isn't always reality...