courage and determination

To grow beyond self-rejection we must have the courage to listen to the voice calling us God's beloved sons and daughters, and the determination always to live our lives according to this truth.  (Henry Nouwen, "The Dance of Life")

I have found that, for many, the reality of God's love is a very comforting thing.  It conjures up feelings of acceptance and chases away loneliness.  It affirms worth and overcomes shame.  It offers joy rather than despair.  Interestingly enough, the reality of God's love for me has a different effect...

For one, I struggle deeply with believing that God truly does love me.  I know it is true, but believing it has always been hard.  [If you can relate to this, there is nothing I could recommend more enthusiastically than Sam Storm's insight- in both book form and in sermon form.]  The reason is 100% because my focus is on me- the beloved- rather than on God- the Lover.  I continually pray that God will draw my eyes more and more to Him, and away from me.

Secondly, the reality of God's love requires a response, a commitment.  Not in some manipulative way on God's part, but simply because to receive such love- love that led God to become a Man, live a life filled with suffering and temptation but void of sin, all to die a death that I and everyone I love deserved to die, and then be raised back to life in triumphant victory over sin and death... how could I not be changed, and how could I not be compelled to respond in some way??  And the most basic aspect of that response is a commitment to live.

Romans 8:31-39 often brings many that comfort that I mentioned about earlier.  But there is one specific aspect of these verses that hits so close for me... not even life will separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  If I'm honest, I hate being alive, and I hate that I know in light of God's ridiculous love, I need to uphold my commitment to stay alive.  And if there is anything I fear might bring separation between me and Jesus, it is more days of living on this earth.  But the full reality of God's love is that even life- or anything else you or I might fear and even dread- cannot separate us from God's love... because it's not about us, or death or life, or anything else... it's always about God.

To get beyond me and everything else that tries to lure me away from God, I need to have the courage to believe that He truly does love me, and have the determination to live according to that love.  And I know of no other way to live...