"suicide survivors"

Ironically, just hours after posting about how I haven't been writing much lately, I'm writing!  I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when a whole bunch of connections and thoughts and whatever else came to me.  I'm tired, so I tried to convince myself that I would write about them tomorrow.  But the reality is that I probably won't remember tomorrow, or make the time to write.  One of the incredibly difficult side affects of all the meds I take is that when my meds are in my system, I am what I have often heard friends define as "dull" or "flat."  I don't feel much very deeply and I lack creativity, zeal, the ability to think beyond what has already been thought or tried... Actually, this probably isn't so much a side affect, but part of the intent of the meds... but that's not the subject of this brief post.  The point of saying all that is that almost all of my writing happens when I'm between doses of my meds in the day- usually at night before I have taken my night meds. So if I get a spark of inspiration, I have to act on it.  So here it is- incomplete, uncensored and unedited...

Lots of people write about the realities of suicide.  Not only professionals/educators/doctors/whatever, but people who have been affected in a very personal and life changing way by suicide.  These accounts are good and necessary.  And... I want to add an account that is rarely heard, but I am deeply convinced that it needs to be spoken and heard far more- the reality of suicide from the suicidal.  Those who have lost loved ones to suicide are NOT the “suicide survivors.”  I don’t know why exactly, but attributing that “title” to them angers and offends me.  I’m not trying to discount their experience or minimize it- it is HORRIFIC to lose someone to suicide.  These voices need to continue to be heard.  AND, this voice needs to be added.  The only suicide survivors are those of us who “should” have lost our lives to suicide, who often even wish we had lost our lives to suicide, but are still standing today.  Our stories needs to be told.  We need to be able to tell it, we need to hear each other’s stories and be able to find community amongst our fellow survivors, and everyone else- from the scientific/research people, to those mourning the loss of someone they loved, to the educators, to the family/friends of someone who is suicidal, to those working in “mental health professions,” to the general public- needs to hear our stories.