"27 years ago today you took your life."

I've mentioned my friend Julie in other posts (search "Out of the Darkness walk").  Today she shared this letter with all of us on facebook, and gave me permission to share it with all of you on here.  One of the most beautiful things that the "Out of the Darkness" movement is creating is connections- relationships- between people on all sides of suicide.  It has been too easy for those who have lost loved ones to suicide to harbor ill feelings towards those who have died from suicide, and those of us who have survived such a death.  And likewise it has been too easy for those of us who struggle with mental illness to be resentful towards everyone else who seemingly doesn't understand.  A huge part of eradicating the stigma surrounding mental illness and suicide is relationships being formed all around these experiences.  It is these relationships that have helped me in very unique ways to understand the impact my life has on others, and thus the impact my death would have on others.  It is these relationships that give me a very unique resolve to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  It is not only these relationships, but I'm finding that I desperately need these connections in addition to everything else.  Julie is a very beautiful example of this.  Her openness, her story, her own fight, and ultimately her friendship, has blessed me beyond words.  Please read this letter that she wrote to her dad today...

A letter for my father: Mark Mayhew (1941 - 1986)

Dear Dad,

27 years ago today you took your life. I can honestly say that it has taken all of this time for me to really come to terms with your suicide. Your loss brought so much pain and fear into my life. It made a significant impact on who I became and who I eventually would become.

I can't tell you how much time I pondered a single question: Why? It wasn't until recently that I realized the answer: You were sick. You were depressed, and you reached a point where you were not thinking clearly. I realize now that mental illness is like an iceberg: it moves at the slowest of paces, the size and depth of the illness is misunderstood, and it has the most significant of impacts when it collides into other objects.

For many years, I never really discussed you or how you died, because of the shame. Shame that started when I realized other people felt uncomfortable when I attempted to discuss suicide. I don’t feel I need to forgive you, because that would be like forgiving a person for being ill. If anything, I need to ask for your forgiveness. I should never have been ashamed. You deserved my love, my empathy, my understanding – never my shame.

I want you to know that I have met the most amazing group of people. They helped me connect and release my shame. When I asked if they would help me honor you and your life, they immediately offered everything they could. We put on these beautiful shows. We play music, share stories, and give hope. I share our story with the hope that we can develop compassion and empathy for those suffering from depression. We offer encouragement for those suffering to get help, and provide hope as those suffering get the help they require to transcend their pain. The goal of Sing Out of Darkness is to save lives – one song at a time.

Guess what – it’s working. Sing Out of Darkness is only 6 months old, but people are already looking at mental illness differently. I’ve had people have come up to me and told me that they have a better understanding of what suicide is about, and it offers them strength to keep fighting battles with depression. People have come up to me and stated they are more comfortable with their diagnosed illnesses and other people are more compassionate as a result.

It is through these shows and conversations that I was able to connect and release the pain associated with your death. To connect and stand up to the fear that was introduced in my life when you left it. I have made peace with what has happened, and I am now ready to live my life to the fullest – the way you wanted me to.

I loved you so much – that I want to help as many people I can. Even though I have made peace and accepted your death, it doesn’t diminish my love for you. I will always love you, and I think of you often. Most importantly, I want you to know that I will always back you “from beans to breakfast”.

Love,

Julie

Support Julie and this awesome "project" (that word seems so lacking...?) that she started-
singoutofdarkness.org or https://www.facebook.com/SingOutOfDarkness