the walk- the people that have made it possible

I am very aware of the influence others have had in my life.  And I am very aware of the simple fact that I could not do these Out of the Darkness Overnight walks without the support of others.  Doing the walk is a way for me to say thank you.

When talking about the people who have it possible for me to do the walk, I feel like there are about 100 directions I could go with the "groupings" of people that I'm talking about.  I'm going to try to just briefly hit on a few.

1. Those who have donated resources to make the walk practically possible.  All the many people who have donated directly to my fundraising for the walks (many who have done so anonymously), those that have covered travel expenses (flights, gas, hotels), those who have opened their homes and given me places to stay, those who have spread the word to others that might want to give... you get the idea.
2. Those who have encouraged me to do this walk, often not really even knowing much about it.  I have received so much encouragement in doing the walk each year, and even in the years before it ever became a realized experience.  And those who have asked to hear about the experience afterwards.
3. Those who have prayed for me throughout my trips to the walk each year.  The event is an intense experience, and is in some ways very triggering for me if for no other reason than that suicide is at the forefront of my mind since it is a suicide prevention walk.  I have relied on the prayers of many to overcome the temptations to despair.  I also have incredibly bad knees- like I'd qualify for knee replacements already.  So walking 16-18 miles on knees that literally hurt every minute of every day is something that I can only do if people are praying me through.
4. Those I have met through mental health services, both providers and other clients.  I have had a few amazing therapists who deserve A LOT of credit for my life continuing.  I have a psychiatrist who has worked with me for years and has gone above and beyond the 10-15 minute sessions in ways that few psychiatrists do.  There have been staff in hospitals that have been huge for me at my lowest points.  And the people I have met who have been receiving the same services as me- through group therapy, in the hospital, in waiting rooms, etc.- these are some of the most amazing people I have ever met and have possibly done more for my endurance and recovery than anyone else.
5. I have said it many times before and I will say it many more times- I have the most amazing network of people in my life that probably anyone has ever had.  Even in my loneliest hours, I always have the assurance that I am not alone.  I think every time I have been in the hospital the staff and other patients have commented on how amazing it is that I have so many visitors.  I bet that in my 9 hospitalizations (minus the one that was in El Paso, TX where I knew no one even relatively nearby), there have been maybe 5 days that I didn't have a visitor.  My friends and family have endured so much pain caused by both me and my mental illnesses  They have wrestled with confusion and sadness and fear and so many other things.  They have made great sacrifices to support me, especially in the darkest times.  They have been willing to learn, willing to be uncomfortable, willing to forgo sleep, willing to pay for parking and trips and help with medical expenses, willing to sit in silence with me, willing to spend hours in prayer, willing to make difficult decisions, willing to cry, willing to talk and to be silent, willing to listen and read, willing to wait, willing to endure, willing to hope on my behalf, willing to love at great costs.........  How could I ever thank people for such amazing gifts of love and support???  I have to find small ways to do so, and walking in the Overnight each year is one of the ways I do so.

For the MANY people that this very incomplete list encompasses, 

I walk to say THANK YOU.